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2196 lines
116 KiB
Plaintext
2196 lines
116 KiB
Plaintext
4 years ago
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One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he
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found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin.
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He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a
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little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and
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divided by arches into stiff sections. The bedding was
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hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any
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moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the
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size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he
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looked.
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"What's happened to me?" he thought. It wasn't a dream.
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His room, a proper human room although a little too small,
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lay peacefully between its four familiar walls. A
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collection of textile samples lay spread out on the table -
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Samsa was a travelling salesman - and above it there hung a
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picture that he had recently cut out of an illustrated
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magazine and housed in a nice, gilded frame. It showed a
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lady fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa who sat upright,
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raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower
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arm towards the viewer.
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Gregor then turned to look out the window at the dull
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weather. Drops of rain could be heard hitting the pane,
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which made him feel quite sad. "How about if I sleep a
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little bit longer and forget all this nonsense", he thought,
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but that was something he was unable to do because he was
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used to sleeping on his right, and in his present state
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couldn't get into that position. However hard he threw
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himself onto his right, he always rolled back to where he
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was. He must have tried it a hundred times, shut his eyes
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so that he wouldn't have to look at the floundering legs,
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and only stopped when he began to feel a mild, dull pain
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there that he had never felt before.
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"Oh, God", he thought, "what a strenuous career it is that
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I've chosen! Travelling day in and day out. Doing business
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like this takes much more effort than doing your own
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business at home, and on top of that there's the curse of
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travelling, worries about making train connections, bad and
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irregular food, contact with different people all the time
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so that you can never get to know anyone or become friendly
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with them. It can all go to Hell!" He felt a slight itch
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up on his belly; pushed himself slowly up on his back
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towards the headboard so that he could lift his head better;
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found where the itch was, and saw that it was covered with
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lots of little white spots which he didn't know what to make
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of; and when he tried to feel the place with one of his legs
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he drew it quickly back because as soon as he touched it he
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was overcome by a cold shudder.
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He slid back into his former position. "Getting up early
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all the time", he thought, "it makes you stupid. You've got
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to get enough sleep. Other travelling salesmen live a life
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of luxury. For instance, whenever I go back to the guest
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house during the morning to copy out the contract, these
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gentlemen are always still sitting there eating their
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breakfasts. I ought to just try that with my boss; I'd get
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kicked out on the spot. But who knows, maybe that would be
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the best thing for me. If I didn't have my parents to think
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about I'd have given in my notice a long time ago, I'd have
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gone up to the boss and told him just what I think, tell him
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everything I would, let him know just what I feel. He'd
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fall right off his desk! And it's a funny sort of business
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to be sitting up there at your desk, talking down at your
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subordinates from up there, especially when you have to go
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right up close because the boss is hard of hearing. Well,
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there's still some hope; once I've got the money together to
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pay off my parents' debt to him - another five or six years
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I suppose - that's definitely what I'll do. That's when
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I'll make the big change. First of all though, I've got to
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get up, my train leaves at five."
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And he looked over at the alarm clock, ticking on the chest
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of drawers. "God in Heaven!" he thought. It was half past
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six and the hands were quietly moving forwards, it was even
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later than half past, more like quarter to seven. Had the
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alarm clock not rung? He could see from the bed that it had
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been set for four o'clock as it should have been; it
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certainly must have rung. Yes, but was it possible to
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quietly sleep through that furniture-rattling noise? True,
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he had not slept peacefully, but probably all the more
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deeply because of that. What should he do now? The next
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train went at seven; if he were to catch that he would have
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to rush like mad and the collection of samples was still not
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packed, and he did not at all feel particularly fresh and
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lively. And even if he did catch the train he would not
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avoid his boss's anger as the office assistant would have
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been there to see the five o'clock train go, he would have
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put in his report about Gregor's not being there a long time
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ago. The office assistant was the boss's man, spineless,
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and with no understanding. What about if he reported sick?
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But that would be extremely strained and suspicious as in
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fifteen years of service Gregor had never once yet been ill.
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His boss would certainly come round with the doctor from the
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medical insurance company, accuse his parents of having a
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lazy son, and accept the doctor's recommendation not to make
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any claim as the doctor believed that no-one was ever ill
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but that many were workshy. And what's more, would he have
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been entirely wrong in this case? Gregor did in fact, apart
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from excessive sleepiness after sleeping for so long, feel
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completely well and even felt much hungrier than usual.
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He was still hurriedly thinking all this through, unable to
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decide to get out of the bed, when the clock struck quarter
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to seven. There was a cautious knock at the door near his
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head. "Gregor", somebody called - it was his mother - "it's
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quarter to seven. Didn't you want to go somewhere?" That
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gentle voice! Gregor was shocked when he heard his own
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voice answering, it could hardly be recognised as the voice
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he had had before. As if from deep inside him, there was a
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painful and uncontrollable squeaking mixed in with it, the
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words could be made out at first but then there was a sort
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of echo which made them unclear, leaving the hearer unsure
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whether he had heard properly or not. Gregor had wanted to
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give a full answer and explain everything, but in the
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circumstances contented himself with saying: "Yes, mother,
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yes, thank-you, I'm getting up now." The change in Gregor's
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voice probably could not be noticed outside through the
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wooden door, as his mother was satisfied with this
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explanation and shuffled away. But this short conversation
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made the other members of the family aware that Gregor,
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against their expectations was still at home, and soon his
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father came knocking at one of the side doors, gently, but
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with his fist. "Gregor, Gregor", he called, "what's wrong?"
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And after a short while he called again with a warning
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deepness in his voice: "Gregor! Gregor!" At the other side
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door his sister came plaintively: "Gregor? Aren't you well?
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Do you need anything?"
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Gregor answered to both sides: "I'm ready, now", making an
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effort to remove all the strangeness from his voice by
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enunciating very carefully and putting long pauses between
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each, individual word. His father went back to his
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breakfast, but his sister whispered: "Gregor, open the door,
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I beg of you." Gregor, however, had no thought of opening
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the door, and instead congratulated himself for his cautious
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habit, acquired from his travelling, of locking all doors at
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night even when he was at home.
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The first thing he wanted to do was to get up in peace
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without being disturbed, to get dressed, and most of all to
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have his breakfast. Only then would he consider what to do
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next, as he was well aware that he would not bring his
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thoughts to any sensible conclusions by lying in bed. He
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remembered that he had often felt a slight pain in bed,
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perhaps caused by lying awkwardly, but that had always
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turned out to be pure imagination and he wondered how his
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imaginings would slowly resolve themselves today. He did
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not have the slightest doubt that the change in his voice
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was nothing more than the first sign of a serious cold,
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which was an occupational hazard for travelling salesmen.
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It was a simple matter to throw off the covers; he only had
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to blow himself up a little and they fell off by themselves.
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But it became difficult after that, especially as he was so
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exceptionally broad. He would have used his arms and his
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hands to push himself up; but instead of them he only had
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all those little legs continuously moving in different
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directions, and which he was moreover unable to control. If
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he wanted to bend one of them, then that was the first one
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that would stretch itself out; and if he finally managed to
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do what he wanted with that leg, all the others seemed to be
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set free and would move about painfully. "This is
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something that can't be done in bed", Gregor said to
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himself, "so don't keep trying to do it".
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The first thing he wanted to do was get the lower part of
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his body out of the bed, but he had never seen this lower
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part, and could not imagine what it looked like; it turned
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out to be too hard to move; it went so slowly; and finally,
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almost in a frenzy, when he carelessly shoved himself
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forwards with all the force he could gather, he chose the
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wrong direction, hit hard against the lower bedpost, and
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learned from the burning pain he felt that the lower part of
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his body might well, at present, be the most sensitive.
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So then he tried to get the top part of his body out of the
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bed first, carefully turning his head to the side. This he
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managed quite easily, and despite its breadth and its
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weight, the bulk of his body eventually followed slowly in
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the direction of the head. But when he had at last got his
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head out of the bed and into the fresh air it occurred to
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him that if he let himself fall it would be a miracle if his
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head were not injured, so he became afraid to carry on
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pushing himself forward the same way. And he could not
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knock himself out now at any price; better to stay in bed
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than lose consciousness.
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It took just as much effort to get back to where he had been
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earlier, but when he lay there sighing, and was once more
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watching his legs as they struggled against each other even
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harder than before, if that was possible, he could think of
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no way of bringing peace and order to this chaos. He told
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himself once more that it was not possible for him to stay
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in bed and that the most sensible thing to do would be to
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get free of it in whatever way he could at whatever
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sacrifice. At the same time, though, he did not forget to
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remind himself that calm consideration was much better than
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rushing to desperate conclusions. At times like this he
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would direct his eyes to the window and look out as clearly
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as he could, but unfortunately, even the other side of the
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narrow street was enveloped in morning fog and the view had
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little confidence or cheer to offer him. "Seven o'clock,
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already", he said to himself when the clock struck again,
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"seven o'clock, and there's still a fog like this." And he
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lay there quietly a while longer, breathing lightly as if he
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perhaps expected the total stillness to bring things back to
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their real and natural state.
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But then he said to himself: "Before it strikes quarter past
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seven I'll definitely have to have got properly out of bed.
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And by then somebody will have come round from work to ask
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what's happened to me as well, as they open up at work
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before seven o'clock." And so he set himself to the task of
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swinging the entire length of his body out of the bed all at
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the same time. If he succeeded in falling out of bed in
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this way and kept his head raised as he did so he could
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probably avoid injuring it. His back seemed to be quite
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hard, and probably nothing would happen to it falling onto
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the carpet. His main concern was for the loud noise he was
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bound to make, and which even through all the doors would
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probably raise concern if not alarm. But it was something
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that had to be risked.
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When Gregor was already sticking half way out of the bed -
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the new method was more of a game than an effort, all he had
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to do was rock back and forth - it occurred to him how
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simple everything would be if somebody came to help him.
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Two strong people - he had his father and the maid in mind -
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would have been more than enough; they would only have to
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push their arms under the dome of his back, peel him away
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from the bed, bend down with the load and then be patient
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and careful as he swang over onto the floor, where,
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hopefully, the little legs would find a use. Should he
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really call for help though, even apart from the fact that
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all the doors were locked? Despite all the difficulty he
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was in, he could not suppress a smile at this thought.
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After a while he had already moved so far across that it
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would have been hard for him to keep his balance if he
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rocked too hard. The time was now ten past seven and he
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would have to make a final decision very soon. Then there
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was a ring at the door of the flat. "That'll be someone
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from work", he said to himself, and froze very still,
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although his little legs only became all the more lively as
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they danced around. For a moment everything remained quiet.
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"They're not opening the door", Gregor said to himself,
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caught in some nonsensical hope. But then of course, the
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maid's firm steps went to the door as ever and opened it.
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Gregor only needed to hear the visitor's first words of
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greeting and he knew who it was - the chief clerk himself.
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Why did Gregor have to be the only one condemned to work for
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a company where they immediately became highly suspicious at
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the slightest shortcoming? Were all employees, every one of
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them, louts, was there not one of them who was faithful and
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devoted who would go so mad with pangs of conscience that he
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couldn't get out of bed if he didn't spend at least a couple
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of hours in the morning on company business? Was it really
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not enough to let one of the trainees make enquiries -
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assuming enquiries were even necessary - did the chief clerk
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have to come himself, and did they have to show the whole,
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innocent family that this was so suspicious that only the
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chief clerk could be trusted to have the wisdom to
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investigate it? And more because these thoughts had made
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him upset than through any proper decision, he swang himself
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with all his force out of the bed. There was a loud thump,
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but it wasn't really a loud noise. His fall was softened a
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little by the carpet, and Gregor's back was also more
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elastic than he had thought, which made the sound muffled
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and not too noticeable. He had not held his head carefully
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enough, though, and hit it as he fell; annoyed and in pain,
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he turned it and rubbed it against the carpet.
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"Something's fallen down in there", said the chief clerk in
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the room on the left. Gregor tried to imagine whether
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something of the sort that had happened to him today could
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ever happen to the chief clerk too; you had to concede that
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it was possible. But as if in gruff reply to this question,
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the chief clerk's firm footsteps in his highly polished
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boots could now be heard in the adjoining room. From the
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room on his right, Gregor's sister whispered to him to let
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him know: "Gregor, the chief clerk is here."
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"Yes, I know", said Gregor to himself; but without daring to
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raise his voice loud enough for his sister to hear him.
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"Gregor", said his father now from the room to his left,
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"the chief clerk has come round and wants to know why you
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didn't leave on the early train. We don't know what to say
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to him. And anyway, he wants to speak to you personally.
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So please open up this door. I'm sure he'll be good enough
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to forgive the untidiness of your room."
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Then the chief clerk called "Good morning, Mr. Samsa".
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"He isn't well", said his mother to the chief clerk, while
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his father continued to speak through the door. "He isn't
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well, please believe me. Why else would Gregor have missed
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a train! The lad only ever thinks about the business. It
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nearly makes me cross the way he never goes out in the
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evenings; he's been in town for a week now but stayed home
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every evening. He sits with us in the kitchen and just
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reads the paper or studies train timetables. His idea of
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relaxation is working with his fretsaw. He's made a little
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frame, for instance, it only took him two or three evenings,
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you'll be amazed how nice it is; it's hanging up in his
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room; you'll see it as soon as Gregor opens the door.
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Anyway, I'm glad you're here; we wouldn't have been able to
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get Gregor to open the door by ourselves; he's so stubborn;
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and I'm sure he isn't well, he said this morning that he is,
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but he isn't."
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"I'll be there in a moment", said Gregor slowly and
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thoughtfully, but without moving so that he would not miss
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any word of the conversation. "Well I can't think of any
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other way of explaining it, Mrs. Samsa", said the chief
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clerk, "I hope it's nothing serious. But on the other hand,
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I must say that if we people in commerce ever become
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slightly unwell then, fortunately or unfortunately as you
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like, we simply have to overcome it because of business
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considerations." "Can the chief clerk come in to see you
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now then?", asked his father impatiently, knocking at the
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door again. "No", said Gregor. In the room on his right
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there followed a painful silence; in the room on his left
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his sister began to cry.
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So why did his sister not go and join the others? She had
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probably only just got up and had not even begun to get
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dressed. And why was she crying? Was it because he had not
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got up, and had not let the chief clerk in, because he was
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in danger of losing his job and if that happened his boss
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would once more pursue their parents with the same demands
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as before? There was no need to worry about things like
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that yet. Gregor was still there and had not the slightest
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intention of abandoning his family. For the time being he
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just lay there on the carpet, and no-one who knew the
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condition he was in would seriously have expected him to let
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the chief clerk in. It was only a minor discourtesy, and a
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suitable excuse could easily be found for it later on, it
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was not something for which Gregor could be sacked on the
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spot. And it seemed to Gregor much more sensible to leave
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him now in peace instead of disturbing him with talking at
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him and crying. But the others didn't know what was
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happening, they were worried, that would excuse their
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behaviour. The chief clerk now raised his voice, "Mr.
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Samsa", he called to him, "what is wrong? You barricade
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yourself in your room, give us no more than yes or no for an
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answer, you are causing serious and unnecessary concern to
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your parents and you fail - and I mention this just by the
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way - you fail to carry out your business duties in a way
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that is quite unheard of. I'm speaking here on behalf of
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your parents and of your employer, and really must request a
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clear and immediate explanation. I am astonished, quite
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astonished. I thought I knew you as a calm and sensible
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||
|
person, and now you suddenly seem to be showing off with
|
||
|
peculiar whims. This morning, your employer did suggest a
|
||
|
possible reason for your failure to appear, it's true - it
|
||
|
had to do with the money that was recently entrusted to you
|
||
|
- but I came near to giving him my word of honour that that
|
||
|
could not be the right explanation. But now that I see your
|
||
|
incomprehensible stubbornness I no longer feel any wish
|
||
|
whatsoever to intercede on your behalf. And nor is your
|
||
|
position all that secure. I had originally intended to say
|
||
|
all this to you in private, but since you cause me to waste
|
||
|
my time here for no good reason I don't see why your parents
|
||
|
should not also learn of it. Your turnover has been very
|
||
|
unsatisfactory of late; I grant you that it's not the time
|
||
|
of year to do especially good business, we recognise that;
|
||
|
but there simply is no time of year to do no business at
|
||
|
all, Mr. Samsa, we cannot allow there to be."
|
||
|
|
||
|
"But Sir", called Gregor, beside himself and forgetting all
|
||
|
else in the excitement, "I'll open up immediately, just a
|
||
|
moment. I'm slightly unwell, an attack of dizziness, I
|
||
|
haven't been able to get up. I'm still in bed now. I'm
|
||
|
quite fresh again now, though. I'm just getting out of bed.
|
||
|
Just a moment. Be patient! It's not quite as easy as I'd
|
||
|
thought. I'm quite alright now, though. It's shocking,
|
||
|
what can suddenly happen to a person! I was quite alright
|
||
|
last night, my parents know about it, perhaps better than
|
||
|
me, I had a small symptom of it last night already. They
|
||
|
must have noticed it. I don't know why I didn't let you
|
||
|
know at work! But you always think you can get over an
|
||
|
illness without staying at home. Please, don't make my
|
||
|
parents suffer! There's no basis for any of the accusations
|
||
|
you're making; nobody's ever said a word to me about any of
|
||
|
these things. Maybe you haven't read the latest contracts I
|
||
|
sent in. I'll set off with the eight o'clock train, as
|
||
|
well, these few hours of rest have given me strength. You
|
||
|
don't need to wait, sir; I'll be in the office soon after
|
||
|
you, and please be so good as to tell that to the boss and
|
||
|
recommend me to him!" And while Gregor gushed out these
|
||
|
words, hardly knowing what he was saying, he made his way
|
||
|
over to the chest of drawers - this was easily done,
|
||
|
probably because of the practise he had already had in bed -
|
||
|
where he now tried to get himself upright. He really did
|
||
|
want to open the door, really did want to let them see him
|
||
|
and to speak with the chief clerk; the others were being so
|
||
|
insistent, and he was curious to learn what they would say
|
||
|
when they caught sight of him. If they were shocked then it
|
||
|
would no longer be Gregor's responsibility and he could
|
||
|
rest. If, however, they took everything calmly he would
|
||
|
still have no reason to be upset, and if he hurried he
|
||
|
really could be at the station for eight o'clock. The first
|
||
|
few times he tried to climb up on the smooth chest of
|
||
|
drawers he just slid down again, but he finally gave himself
|
||
|
one last swing and stood there upright; the lower part of
|
||
|
his body was in serious pain but he no longer gave any
|
||
|
attention to it. Now he let himself fall against the back
|
||
|
of a nearby chair and held tightly to the edges of it with
|
||
|
his little legs. By now he had also calmed down, and kept
|
||
|
quiet so that he could listen to what the chief clerk was
|
||
|
saying.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Did you understand a word of all that?" the chief clerk
|
||
|
asked his parents, "surely he's not trying to make fools of
|
||
|
us". "Oh, God!" called his mother, who was already in
|
||
|
tears, "he could be seriously ill and we're making him
|
||
|
suffer. Grete! Grete!" she then cried. "Mother?" his sister
|
||
|
called from the other side. They communicated across
|
||
|
Gregor's room. "You'll have to go for the doctor straight
|
||
|
away. Gregor is ill. Quick, get the doctor. Did you hear
|
||
|
the way Gregor spoke just now?"
|
||
|
"That was the voice of an animal", said the chief clerk,
|
||
|
with a calmness that was in contrast with his mother's
|
||
|
screams. "Anna! Anna!" his father called into the kitchen
|
||
|
through the entrance hall, clapping his hands, "get a
|
||
|
locksmith here, now!" And the two girls, their skirts
|
||
|
swishing, immediately ran out through the hall, wrenching
|
||
|
open the front door of the flat as they went. How had his
|
||
|
sister managed to get dressed so quickly? There was no
|
||
|
sound of the door banging shut again; they must have left it
|
||
|
open; people often do in homes where something awful has
|
||
|
happened.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor, in contrast, had become much calmer. So they
|
||
|
couldn't understand his words any more, although they seemed
|
||
|
clear enough to him, clearer than before - perhaps his ears
|
||
|
had become used to the sound. They had realised, though,
|
||
|
that there was something wrong with him, and were ready to
|
||
|
help. The first response to his situation had been
|
||
|
confident and wise, and that made him feel better. He felt
|
||
|
that he had been drawn back in among people, and from the
|
||
|
doctor and the locksmith he expected great and surprising
|
||
|
achievements - although he did not really distinguish one
|
||
|
from the other. Whatever was said next would be crucial,
|
||
|
so, in order to make his voice as clear as possible, he
|
||
|
coughed a little, but taking care to do this not too loudly
|
||
|
as even this might well sound different from the way that a
|
||
|
human coughs and he was no longer sure he could judge this
|
||
|
for himself. Meanwhile, it had become very quiet in the
|
||
|
next room. Perhaps his parents were sat at the table
|
||
|
whispering with the chief clerk, or perhaps they were all
|
||
|
pressed against the door and listening.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor slowly pushed his way over to the door with the
|
||
|
chair. Once there he let go of it and threw himself onto
|
||
|
the door, holding himself upright against it using the
|
||
|
adhesive on the tips of his legs. He rested there a little
|
||
|
while to recover from the effort involved and then set
|
||
|
himself to the task of turning the key in the lock with his
|
||
|
mouth. He seemed, unfortunately, to have no proper teeth -
|
||
|
how was he, then, to grasp the key? - but the lack of teeth
|
||
|
was, of course, made up for with a very strong jaw; using
|
||
|
the jaw, he really was able to start the key turning,
|
||
|
ignoring the fact that he must have been causing some kind
|
||
|
of damage as a brown fluid came from his mouth, flowed over
|
||
|
the key and dripped onto the floor.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Listen", said the chief clerk in the next room, "he's
|
||
|
turning the key." Gregor was greatly encouraged by this;
|
||
|
but they all should have been calling to him, his father and
|
||
|
his mother too: "Well done, Gregor", they should have cried,
|
||
|
"keep at it, keep hold of the lock!" And with the idea that
|
||
|
they were all excitedly following his efforts, he bit on the
|
||
|
key with all his strength, paying no attention to the pain
|
||
|
he was causing himself. As the key turned round he turned
|
||
|
around the lock with it, only holding himself upright with
|
||
|
his mouth, and hung onto the key or pushed it down again
|
||
|
with the whole weight of his body as needed. The clear
|
||
|
sound of the lock as it snapped back was Gregor's sign that
|
||
|
he could break his concentration, and as he regained his
|
||
|
breath he said to himself: "So, I didn't need the locksmith
|
||
|
after all". Then he lay his head on the handle of the door
|
||
|
to open it completely.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Because he had to open the door in this way, it was already
|
||
|
wide open before he could be seen. He had first to slowly
|
||
|
turn himself around one of the double doors, and he had to
|
||
|
do it very carefully if he did not want to fall flat on his
|
||
|
back before entering the room. He was still occupied with
|
||
|
this difficult movement, unable to pay attention to anything
|
||
|
else, when he heard the chief clerk exclaim a loud "Oh!",
|
||
|
which sounded like the soughing of the wind. Now he also
|
||
|
saw him - he was the nearest to the door - his hand pressed
|
||
|
against his open mouth and slowly retreating as if driven by
|
||
|
a steady and invisible force. Gregor's mother, her hair
|
||
|
still dishevelled from bed despite the chief clerk's being
|
||
|
there, looked at his father. Then she unfolded her arms,
|
||
|
took two steps forward towards Gregor and sank down onto the
|
||
|
floor into her skirts that spread themselves out around her
|
||
|
as her head disappeared down onto her breast. His father
|
||
|
looked hostile, and clenched his fists as if wanting to
|
||
|
knock Gregor back into his room. Then he looked uncertainly
|
||
|
round the living room, covered his eyes with his hands and
|
||
|
wept so that his powerful chest shook.
|
||
|
|
||
|
So Gregor did not go into the room, but leant against the
|
||
|
inside of the other door which was still held bolted in
|
||
|
place. In this way only half of his body could be seen,
|
||
|
along with his head above it which he leant over to one side
|
||
|
as he peered out at the others. Meanwhile the day had
|
||
|
become much lighter; part of the endless, grey-black
|
||
|
building on the other side of the street - which was a
|
||
|
hospital - could be seen quite clearly with the austere and
|
||
|
regular line of windows piercing its facade; the rain was
|
||
|
still falling, now throwing down large, individual droplets
|
||
|
which hit the ground one at a time. The washing up from
|
||
|
breakfast lay on the table; there was so much of it because,
|
||
|
for Gregor's father, breakfast was the most important meal
|
||
|
of the day and he would stretch it out for several hours as
|
||
|
he sat reading a number of different newspapers. On the
|
||
|
wall exactly opposite there was photograph of Gregor when he
|
||
|
was a lieutenant in the army, his sword in his hand and a
|
||
|
carefree smile on his face as he called forth respect for
|
||
|
his uniform and bearing. The door to the entrance hall was
|
||
|
open and as the front door of the flat was also open he
|
||
|
could see onto the landing and the stairs where they began
|
||
|
their way down below.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Now, then", said Gregor, well aware that he was the only
|
||
|
one to have kept calm, "I'll get dressed straight away now,
|
||
|
pack up my samples and set off. Will you please just let me
|
||
|
leave? You can see", he said to the chief clerk, "that I'm
|
||
|
not stubborn and like I like to do my job; being a
|
||
|
commercial traveller is arduous but without travelling I
|
||
|
couldn't earn my living. So where are you going, in to the
|
||
|
office? Yes? Will you report everything accurately, then?
|
||
|
It's quite possible for someone to be temporarily unable to
|
||
|
work, but that's just the right time to remember what's been
|
||
|
achieved in the past and consider that later on, once the
|
||
|
difficulty has been removed, he will certainly work with all
|
||
|
the more diligence and concentration. You're well aware
|
||
|
that I'm seriously in debt to our employer as well as having
|
||
|
to look after my parents and my sister, so that I'm trapped
|
||
|
in a difficult situation, but I will work my way out of it
|
||
|
again. Please don't make things any harder for me than they
|
||
|
are already, and don't take sides against me at the office.
|
||
|
I know that nobody likes the travellers. They think we earn
|
||
|
an enormous wage as well as having a soft time of it.
|
||
|
That's just prejudice but they have no particular reason to
|
||
|
think better it. But you, sir, you have a better overview
|
||
|
than the rest of the staff, in fact, if I can say this in
|
||
|
confidence, a better overview than the boss himself - it's
|
||
|
very easy for a businessman like him to make mistakes about
|
||
|
his employees and judge them more harshly than he should.
|
||
|
And you're also well aware that we travellers spend almost
|
||
|
the whole year away from the office, so that we can very
|
||
|
easily fall victim to gossip and chance and groundless
|
||
|
complaints, and it's almost impossible to defend yourself
|
||
|
from that sort of thing, we don't usually even hear about
|
||
|
them, or if at all it's when we arrive back home exhausted
|
||
|
from a trip, and that's when we feel the harmful effects of
|
||
|
what's been going on without even knowing what caused them.
|
||
|
Please, don't go away, at least first say something to show
|
||
|
that you grant that I'm at least partly right!"
|
||
|
|
||
|
But the chief clerk had turned away as soon as Gregor had
|
||
|
started to speak, and, with protruding lips, only stared
|
||
|
back at him over his trembling shoulders as he left. He did
|
||
|
not keep still for a moment while Gregor was speaking, but
|
||
|
moved steadily towards the door without taking his eyes off
|
||
|
him. He moved very gradually, as if there had been some
|
||
|
secret prohibition on leaving the room. It was only when he
|
||
|
had reached the entrance hall that he made a sudden
|
||
|
movement, drew his foot from the living room, and rushed
|
||
|
forward in a panic. In the hall, he stretched his right
|
||
|
hand far out towards the stairway as if out there, there
|
||
|
were some supernatural force waiting to save him.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor realised that it was out of the question to let the
|
||
|
chief clerk go away in this mood if his position in the firm
|
||
|
was not to be put into extreme danger. That was something
|
||
|
his parents did not understand very well; over the years,
|
||
|
they had become convinced that this job would provide for
|
||
|
Gregor for his entire life, and besides, they had so much to
|
||
|
worry about at present that they had lost sight of any
|
||
|
thought for the future. Gregor, though, did think about the
|
||
|
future. The chief clerk had to be held back, calmed down,
|
||
|
convinced and finally won over; the future of Gregor and his
|
||
|
family depended on it! If only his sister were here! She
|
||
|
was clever; she was already in tears while Gregor was still
|
||
|
lying peacefully on his back. And the chief clerk was a
|
||
|
lover of women, surely she could persuade him; she would
|
||
|
close the front door in the entrance hall and talk him out
|
||
|
of his shocked state. But his sister was not there, Gregor
|
||
|
would have to do the job himself.
|
||
|
|
||
|
And without considering that he still was not familiar with
|
||
|
how well he could move about in his present state, or that
|
||
|
his speech still might not - or probably would not - be
|
||
|
understood, he let go of the door; pushed himself through
|
||
|
the opening; tried to reach the chief clerk on the landing
|
||
|
who, ridiculously, was holding on to the banister with both
|
||
|
hands; but Gregor fell immediately over and, with a little
|
||
|
scream as he sought something to hold onto, landed on his
|
||
|
numerous little legs. Hardly had that happened than, for
|
||
|
the first time that day, he began to feel alright with his
|
||
|
body; the little legs had the solid ground under them; to
|
||
|
his pleasure, they did exactly as he told them; they were
|
||
|
even making the effort to carry him where he wanted to go;
|
||
|
and he was soon believing that all his sorrows would soon be
|
||
|
finally at an end. He held back the urge to move but
|
||
|
swayed from side to side as he crouched there on the floor.
|
||
|
His mother was not far away in front of him and seemed, at
|
||
|
first, quite engrossed in herself, but then she suddenly
|
||
|
jumped up with her arms outstretched and her fingers spread
|
||
|
shouting: "Help, for pity's sake, Help!" The way she held
|
||
|
her head suggested she wanted to see Gregor better, but the
|
||
|
unthinking way she was hurrying backwards showed that she
|
||
|
did not; she had forgotten that the table was behind her
|
||
|
with all the breakfast things on it; when she reached the
|
||
|
table she sat quickly down on it without knowing what she
|
||
|
was doing; without even seeming to notice that the coffee
|
||
|
pot had been knocked over and a gush of coffee was pouring
|
||
|
down onto the carpet.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Mother, mother", said Gregor gently, looking up at her. He
|
||
|
had completely forgotten the chief clerk for the moment, but
|
||
|
could not help himself snapping in the air with his jaws at
|
||
|
the sight of the flow of coffee. That set his mother
|
||
|
screaming anew, she fled from the table and into the arms of
|
||
|
his father as he rushed towards her. Gregor, though, had no
|
||
|
time to spare for his parents now; the chief clerk had
|
||
|
already reached the stairs; with his chin on the banister,
|
||
|
he looked back for the last time. Gregor made a run for
|
||
|
him; he wanted to be sure of reaching him; the chief clerk
|
||
|
must have expected something, as he leapt down several steps
|
||
|
at once and disappeared; his shouts resounding all around
|
||
|
the staircase. The flight of the chief clerk seemed,
|
||
|
unfortunately, to put Gregor's father into a panic as well.
|
||
|
Until then he had been relatively self controlled, but now,
|
||
|
instead of running after the chief clerk himself, or at
|
||
|
least not impeding Gregor as he ran after him, Gregor's
|
||
|
father seized the chief clerk's stick in his right hand (the
|
||
|
chief clerk had left it behind on a chair, along with his
|
||
|
hat and overcoat), picked up a large newspaper from the
|
||
|
table with his left, and used them to drive Gregor back into
|
||
|
his room, stamping his foot at him as he went. Gregor's
|
||
|
appeals to his father were of no help, his appeals were
|
||
|
simply not understood, however much he humbly turned his
|
||
|
head his father merely stamped his foot all the harder.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Across the room, despite the chilly weather, Gregor's mother
|
||
|
had pulled open a window, leant far out of it and pressed
|
||
|
her hands to her face. A strong draught of air flew in from
|
||
|
the street towards the stairway, the curtains flew up, the
|
||
|
newspapers on the table fluttered and some of them were
|
||
|
blown onto the floor. Nothing would stop Gregor's father as
|
||
|
he drove him back, making hissing noises at him like a wild
|
||
|
man. Gregor had never had any practice in moving backwards
|
||
|
and was only able to go very slowly. If Gregor had only
|
||
|
been allowed to turn round he would have been back in his
|
||
|
room straight away, but he was afraid that if he took the
|
||
|
time to do that his father would become impatient, and there
|
||
|
was the threat of a lethal blow to his back or head from the
|
||
|
stick in his father's hand any moment. Eventually, though,
|
||
|
Gregor realised that he had no choice as he saw, to his
|
||
|
disgust, that he was quite incapable of going backwards in a
|
||
|
straight line; so he began, as quickly as possible and with
|
||
|
frequent anxious glances at his father, to turn himself
|
||
|
round. It went very slowly, but perhaps his father was able
|
||
|
to see his good intentions as he did nothing to hinder him,
|
||
|
in fact now and then he used the tip of his stick to give
|
||
|
directions from a distance as to which way to turn.
|
||
|
|
||
|
If only his father would stop that unbearable hissing! It
|
||
|
was making Gregor quite confused. When he had nearly
|
||
|
finished turning round, still listening to that hissing, he
|
||
|
made a mistake and turned himself back a little the way he
|
||
|
had just come. He was pleased when he finally had his head
|
||
|
in front of the doorway, but then saw that it was too
|
||
|
narrow, and his body was too broad to get through it without
|
||
|
further difficulty. In his present mood, it obviously did
|
||
|
not occur to his father to open the other of the double
|
||
|
doors so that Gregor would have enough space to get through.
|
||
|
He was merely fixed on the idea that Gregor should be got
|
||
|
back into his room as quickly as possible. Nor would he
|
||
|
ever have allowed Gregor the time to get himself upright as
|
||
|
preparation for getting through the doorway. What he did,
|
||
|
making more noise than ever, was to drive Gregor forwards
|
||
|
all the harder as if there had been nothing in the way; it
|
||
|
sounded to Gregor as if there was now more than one father
|
||
|
behind him; it was not a pleasant experience, and Gregor
|
||
|
pushed himself into the doorway without regard for what
|
||
|
might happen. One side of his body lifted itself, he lay at
|
||
|
an angle in the doorway, one flank scraped on the white door
|
||
|
and was painfully injured, leaving vile brown flecks on it,
|
||
|
soon he was stuck fast and would not have been able to move
|
||
|
at all by himself, the little legs along one side hung
|
||
|
quivering in the air while those on the other side were
|
||
|
pressed painfully against the ground. Then his father gave
|
||
|
him a hefty shove from behind which released him from where
|
||
|
he was held and sent him flying, and heavily bleeding, deep
|
||
|
into his room. The door was slammed shut with the stick,
|
||
|
then, finally, all was quiet.
|
||
|
|
||
|
II
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
It was not until it was getting dark that evening that
|
||
|
Gregor awoke from his deep and coma-like sleep. He would
|
||
|
have woken soon afterwards anyway even if he hadn't been
|
||
|
disturbed, as he had had enough sleep and felt fully rested.
|
||
|
But he had the impression that some hurried steps and the
|
||
|
sound of the door leading into the front room being
|
||
|
carefully shut had woken him. The light from the electric
|
||
|
street lamps shone palely here and there onto the ceiling
|
||
|
and tops of the furniture, but down below, where Gregor was,
|
||
|
it was dark. He pushed himself over to the door, feeling
|
||
|
his way clumsily with his antennae - of which he was now
|
||
|
beginning to learn the value - in order to see what had been
|
||
|
happening there. The whole of his left side seemed like
|
||
|
one, painfully stretched scar, and he limped badly on his
|
||
|
two rows of legs. One of the legs had been badly injured in
|
||
|
the events of that morning - it was nearly a miracle that
|
||
|
only one of them had been - and dragged along lifelessly.
|
||
|
It was only when he had reached the door that he realised
|
||
|
what it actually was that had drawn him over to it; it was
|
||
|
the smell of something to eat. By the door there was a dish
|
||
|
filled with sweetened milk with little pieces of white bread
|
||
|
floating in it. He was so pleased he almost laughed, as he
|
||
|
was even hungrier than he had been that morning, and
|
||
|
immediately dipped his head into the milk, nearly covering
|
||
|
his eyes with it. But he soon drew his head back again in
|
||
|
disappointment; not only did the pain in his tender left
|
||
|
side make it difficult to eat the food - he was only able to
|
||
|
eat if his whole body worked together as a snuffling whole -
|
||
|
but the milk did not taste at all nice. Milk like this was
|
||
|
normally his favourite drink, and his sister had certainly
|
||
|
left it there for him because of that, but he turned, almost
|
||
|
against his own will, away from the dish and crawled back
|
||
|
into the centre of the room.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Through the crack in the door, Gregor could see that the gas
|
||
|
had been lit in the living room. His father at this time
|
||
|
would normally be sat with his evening paper, reading it out
|
||
|
in a loud voice to Gregor's mother, and sometimes to his
|
||
|
sister, but there was now not a sound to be heard. Gregor's
|
||
|
sister would often write and tell him about this reading,
|
||
|
but maybe his father had lost the habit in recent times. It
|
||
|
was so quiet all around too, even though there must have
|
||
|
been somebody in the flat. "What a quiet life it is the
|
||
|
family lead", said Gregor to himself, and, gazing into the
|
||
|
darkness, felt a great pride that he was able to provide a
|
||
|
life like that in such a nice home for his sister and
|
||
|
parents. But what now, if all this peace and wealth and
|
||
|
comfort should come to a horrible and frightening end? That
|
||
|
was something that Gregor did not want to think about too
|
||
|
much, so he started to move about, crawling up and down the
|
||
|
room.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Once during that long evening, the door on one side of the
|
||
|
room was opened very slightly and hurriedly closed again;
|
||
|
later on the door on the other side did the same; it seemed
|
||
|
that someone needed to enter the room but thought better of
|
||
|
it. Gregor went and waited immediately by the door,
|
||
|
resolved either to bring the timorous visitor into the room
|
||
|
in some way or at least to find out who it was; but the door
|
||
|
was opened no more that night and Gregor waited in vain.
|
||
|
The previous morning while the doors were locked everyone
|
||
|
had wanted to get in there to him, but now, now that he had
|
||
|
opened up one of the doors and the other had clearly been
|
||
|
unlocked some time during the day, no-one came, and the keys
|
||
|
were in the other sides.
|
||
|
|
||
|
It was not until late at night that the gaslight in the
|
||
|
living room was put out, and now it was easy to see that
|
||
|
parents and sister had stayed awake all that time, as they
|
||
|
all could be distinctly heard as they went away together on
|
||
|
tip-toe. It was clear that no-one would come into Gregor's
|
||
|
room any more until morning; that gave him plenty of time to
|
||
|
think undisturbed about how he would have to re-arrange his
|
||
|
life. For some reason, the tall, empty room where he was
|
||
|
forced to remain made him feel uneasy as he lay there flat
|
||
|
on the floor, even though he had been living in it for five
|
||
|
years. Hardly aware of what he was doing other than a
|
||
|
slight feeling of shame, he hurried under the couch. It
|
||
|
pressed down on his back a little, and he was no longer able
|
||
|
to lift his head, but he nonetheless felt immediately at
|
||
|
ease and his only regret was that his body was too broad to
|
||
|
get it all underneath. He spent the whole night there.
|
||
|
Some of the time he passed in a light sleep, although he
|
||
|
frequently woke from it in alarm because of his hunger, and
|
||
|
some of the time was spent in worries and vague hopes which,
|
||
|
however, always led to the same conclusion: for the time
|
||
|
being he must remain calm, he must show patience and the
|
||
|
greatest consideration so that his family could bear the
|
||
|
unpleasantness that he, in his present condition, was forced
|
||
|
to impose on them.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor soon had the opportunity to test the strength of his
|
||
|
decisions, as early the next morning, almost before the
|
||
|
night had ended, his sister, nearly fully dressed, opened
|
||
|
the door from the front room and looked anxiously in. She
|
||
|
did not see him straight away, but when she did notice him
|
||
|
under the couch - he had to be somewhere, for God's sake, he
|
||
|
couldn't have flown away - she was so shocked that she lost
|
||
|
control of herself and slammed the door shut again from
|
||
|
outside. But she seemed to regret her behaviour, as she
|
||
|
opened the door again straight away and came in on tip-toe
|
||
|
as if entering the room of someone seriously ill or even of
|
||
|
a stranger. Gregor had pushed his head forward, right to
|
||
|
the edge of the couch, and watched her. Would she notice
|
||
|
that he had left the milk as it was, realise that it was not
|
||
|
from any lack of hunger and bring him in some other food
|
||
|
that was more suitable? If she didn't do it herself he
|
||
|
would rather go hungry than draw her attention to it,
|
||
|
although he did feel a terrible urge to rush forward from
|
||
|
under the couch, throw himself at his sister's feet and beg
|
||
|
her for something good to eat. However, his sister noticed
|
||
|
the full dish immediately and looked at it and the few drops
|
||
|
of milk splashed around it with some surprise. She
|
||
|
immediately picked it up - using a rag, not her bare hands -
|
||
|
and carried it out. Gregor was extremely curious as to what
|
||
|
she would bring in its place, imagining the wildest
|
||
|
possibilities, but he never could have guessed what his
|
||
|
sister, in her goodness, actually did bring. In order to
|
||
|
test his taste, she brought him a whole selection of things,
|
||
|
all spread out on an old newspaper. There were old, half-
|
||
|
rotten vegetables; bones from the evening meal, covered in
|
||
|
white sauce that had gone hard; a few raisins and almonds;
|
||
|
some cheese that Gregor had declared inedible two days
|
||
|
before; a dry roll and some bread spread with butter and
|
||
|
salt. As well as all that she had poured some water into
|
||
|
the dish, which had probably been permanently set aside for
|
||
|
Gregor's use, and placed it beside them. Then, out of
|
||
|
consideration for Gregor's feelings, as she knew that he
|
||
|
would not eat in front of her, she hurried out again and
|
||
|
even turned the key in the lock so that Gregor would know he
|
||
|
could make things as comfortable for himself as he liked.
|
||
|
Gregor's little legs whirred, at last he could eat. What's
|
||
|
more, his injuries must already have completely healed as he
|
||
|
found no difficulty in moving. This amazed him, as more
|
||
|
than a month earlier he had cut his finger slightly with a
|
||
|
knife, he thought of how his finger had still hurt the day
|
||
|
before yesterday.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Am I less sensitive than I used to be, then?", he thought,
|
||
|
and was already sucking greedily at the cheese which had
|
||
|
immediately, almost compellingly, attracted him much more
|
||
|
than the other foods on the newspaper. Quickly one after
|
||
|
another, his eyes watering with pleasure, he consumed the
|
||
|
cheese, the vegetables and the sauce; the fresh foods, on
|
||
|
the other hand, he didn't like at all, and even dragged the
|
||
|
things he did want to eat a little way away from them
|
||
|
because he couldn't stand the smell. Long after he had
|
||
|
finished eating and lay lethargic in the same place, his
|
||
|
sister slowly turned the key in the lock as a sign to him
|
||
|
that he should withdraw. He was immediately startled,
|
||
|
although he had been half asleep, and he hurried back under
|
||
|
the couch. But he needed great self-control to stay there
|
||
|
even for the short time that his sister was in the room, as
|
||
|
eating so much food had rounded out his body a little and he
|
||
|
could hardly breathe in that narrow space. Half
|
||
|
suffocating, he watched with bulging eyes as his sister
|
||
|
unselfconsciously took a broom and swept up the left-overs,
|
||
|
mixing them in with the food he had not even touched at all
|
||
|
as if it could not be used any more. She quickly dropped it
|
||
|
all into a bin, closed it with its wooden lid, and carried
|
||
|
everything out. She had hardly turned her back before
|
||
|
Gregor came out again from under the couch and stretched
|
||
|
himself.
|
||
|
|
||
|
This was how Gregor received his food each day now, once in
|
||
|
the morning while his parents and the maid were still
|
||
|
asleep, and the second time after everyone had eaten their
|
||
|
meal at midday as his parents would sleep for a little while
|
||
|
then as well, and Gregor's sister would send the maid away
|
||
|
on some errand. Gregor's father and mother certainly did
|
||
|
not want him to starve either, but perhaps it would have
|
||
|
been more than they could stand to have any more experience
|
||
|
of his feeding than being told about it, and perhaps his
|
||
|
sister wanted to spare them what distress she could as they
|
||
|
were indeed suffering enough.
|
||
|
|
||
|
It was impossible for Gregor to find out what they had told
|
||
|
the doctor and the locksmith that first morning to get them
|
||
|
out of the flat. As nobody could understand him, nobody,
|
||
|
not even his sister, thought that he could understand them,
|
||
|
so he had to be content to hear his sister's sighs and
|
||
|
appeals to the saints as she moved about his room. It was
|
||
|
only later, when she had become a little more used to
|
||
|
everything - there was, of course, no question of her ever
|
||
|
becoming fully used to the situation - that Gregor would
|
||
|
sometimes catch a friendly comment, or at least a comment
|
||
|
that could be construed as friendly. "He's enjoyed his
|
||
|
dinner today", she might say when he had diligently cleared
|
||
|
away all the food left for him, or if he left most of it,
|
||
|
which slowly became more and more frequent, she would often
|
||
|
say, sadly, "now everything's just been left there again".
|
||
|
|
||
|
Although Gregor wasn't able to hear any news directly he did
|
||
|
listen to much of what was said in the next rooms, and
|
||
|
whenever he heard anyone speaking he would scurry straight
|
||
|
to the appropriate door and press his whole body against it.
|
||
|
There was seldom any conversation, especially at first, that
|
||
|
was not about him in some way, even if only in secret. For
|
||
|
two whole days, all the talk at every mealtime was about
|
||
|
what they should do now; but even between meals they spoke
|
||
|
about the same subject as there were always at least two
|
||
|
members of the family at home - nobody wanted to be at home
|
||
|
by themselves and it was out of the question to leave the
|
||
|
flat entirely empty. And on the very first day the maid had
|
||
|
fallen to her knees and begged Gregor's mother to let her go
|
||
|
without delay. It was not very clear how much she knew of
|
||
|
what had happened but she left within a quarter of an hour,
|
||
|
tearfully thanking Gregor's mother for her dismissal as if
|
||
|
she had done her an enormous service. She even swore
|
||
|
emphatically not to tell anyone the slightest about what had
|
||
|
happened, even though no-one had asked that of her. Now
|
||
|
Gregor's sister also had to help his mother with the
|
||
|
cooking; although that was not so much bother as no-one ate
|
||
|
very much. Gregor often heard how one of them would
|
||
|
unsuccessfully urge another to eat, and receive no more
|
||
|
answer than "no thanks, I've had enough" or something
|
||
|
similar. No-one drank very much either. His sister would
|
||
|
sometimes ask his father whether he would like a beer,
|
||
|
hoping for the chance to go and fetch it herself. When his
|
||
|
father then said nothing she would add, so that he would not
|
||
|
feel selfish, that she could send the housekeeper for it,
|
||
|
but then his father would close the matter with a big, loud
|
||
|
"No", and no more would be said.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Even before the first day had come to an end, his father had
|
||
|
explained to Gregor's mother and sister what their finances
|
||
|
and prospects were. Now and then he stood up from the table
|
||
|
and took some receipt or document from the little cash box
|
||
|
he had saved from his business when it had collapsed five
|
||
|
years earlier. Gregor heard how he opened the complicated
|
||
|
lock and then closed it again after he had taken the item he
|
||
|
wanted. What he heard his father say was some of the first
|
||
|
good news that Gregor heard since he had first been
|
||
|
incarcerated in his room. He had thought that nothing at
|
||
|
all remained from his father's business, at least he had
|
||
|
never told him anything different, and Gregor had never
|
||
|
asked him about it anyway. Their business misfortune had
|
||
|
reduced the family to a state of total despair, and Gregor's
|
||
|
only concern at that time had been to arrange things so that
|
||
|
they could all forget about it as quickly as possible. So
|
||
|
then he started working especially hard, with a fiery vigour
|
||
|
that raised him from a junior salesman to a travelling
|
||
|
representative almost overnight, bringing with it the
|
||
|
chance to earn money in quite different ways. Gregor
|
||
|
converted his success at work straight into cash that he
|
||
|
could lay on the table at home for the benefit of his
|
||
|
astonished and delighted family. They had been good times
|
||
|
and they had never come again, at least not with the same
|
||
|
splendour, even though Gregor had later earned so much that
|
||
|
he was in a position to bear the costs of the whole family,
|
||
|
and did bear them. They had even got used to it, both
|
||
|
Gregor and the family, they took the money with gratitude
|
||
|
and he was glad to provide it, although there was no longer
|
||
|
much warm affection given in return. Gregor only remained
|
||
|
close to his sister now. Unlike him, she was very fond of
|
||
|
music and a gifted and expressive violinist, it was his
|
||
|
secret plan to send her to the conservatory next year even
|
||
|
though it would cause great expense that would have to be
|
||
|
made up for in some other way. During Gregor's short
|
||
|
periods in town, conversation with his sister would often
|
||
|
turn to the conservatory but it was only ever mentioned as a
|
||
|
lovely dream that could never be realised. Their parents
|
||
|
did not like to hear this innocent talk, but Gregor thought
|
||
|
about it quite hard and decided he would let them know what
|
||
|
he planned with a grand announcement of it on Christmas day.
|
||
|
That was the sort of totally pointless thing that went
|
||
|
through his mind in his present state, pressed upright
|
||
|
against the door and listening. There were times when he
|
||
|
simply became too tired to continue listening, when his head
|
||
|
would fall wearily against the door and he would pull it up
|
||
|
again with a start, as even the slightest noise he caused
|
||
|
would be heard next door and they would all go silent.
|
||
|
"What's that he's doing now", his father would say after a
|
||
|
while, clearly having gone over to the door, and only then
|
||
|
would the interrupted conversation slowly be taken up again.
|
||
|
|
||
|
When explaining things, his father repeated himself several
|
||
|
times, partly because it was a long time since he had been
|
||
|
occupied with these matters himself and partly because
|
||
|
Gregor's mother did not understand everything first time.
|
||
|
From these repeated explanations Gregor learned, to his
|
||
|
pleasure, that despite all their misfortunes there was still
|
||
|
some money available from the old days. It was not a lot,
|
||
|
but it had not been touched in the meantime and some
|
||
|
interest had accumulated. Besides that, they had not been
|
||
|
using up all the money that Gregor had been bringing home
|
||
|
every month, keeping only a little for himself, so that
|
||
|
that, too, had been accumulating. Behind the door, Gregor
|
||
|
nodded with enthusiasm in his pleasure at this unexpected
|
||
|
thrift and caution. He could actually have used this
|
||
|
surplus money to reduce his father's debt to his boss, and
|
||
|
the day when he could have freed himself from that job would
|
||
|
have come much closer, but now it was certainly better the
|
||
|
way his father had done things.
|
||
|
|
||
|
This money, however, was certainly not enough to enable the
|
||
|
family to live off the interest; it was enough to maintain
|
||
|
them for, perhaps, one or two years, no more. That's to
|
||
|
say, it was money that should not really be touched but set
|
||
|
aside for emergencies; money to live on had to be earned.
|
||
|
His father was healthy but old, and lacking in self
|
||
|
confidence. During the five years that he had not been
|
||
|
working - the first holiday in a life that had been full of
|
||
|
strain and no success - he had put on a lot of weight and
|
||
|
become very slow and clumsy. Would Gregor's elderly mother
|
||
|
now have to go and earn money? She suffered from asthma and
|
||
|
it was a strain for her just to move about the home, every
|
||
|
other day would be spent struggling for breath on the sofa
|
||
|
by the open window. Would his sister have to go and earn
|
||
|
money? She was still a child of seventeen, her life up till
|
||
|
then had been very enviable, consisting of wearing nice
|
||
|
clothes, sleeping late, helping out in the business, joining
|
||
|
in with a few modest pleasures and most of all playing the
|
||
|
violin. Whenever they began to talk of the need to earn
|
||
|
money, Gregor would always first let go of the door and then
|
||
|
throw himself onto the cool, leather sofa next to it, as he
|
||
|
became quite hot with shame and regret. He would often lie
|
||
|
there the whole night through, not sleeping a wink but
|
||
|
scratching at the leather for hours on end. Or he might go
|
||
|
to all the effort of pushing a chair to the window, climbing
|
||
|
up onto the sill and, propped up in the chair, leaning on
|
||
|
the window to stare out of it. He had used to feel a great
|
||
|
sense of freedom from doing this, but doing it now was
|
||
|
obviously something more remembered than experienced, as
|
||
|
what he actually saw in this way was becoming less distinct
|
||
|
every day, even things that were quite near; he had used to
|
||
|
curse the ever-present view of the hospital across the
|
||
|
street, but now he could not see it at all, and if he had
|
||
|
not known that he lived in Charlottenstrasse, which was a
|
||
|
quiet street despite being in the middle of the city, he
|
||
|
could have thought that he was looking out the window at a
|
||
|
barren waste where the grey sky and the grey earth mingled
|
||
|
inseparably. His observant sister only needed to notice the
|
||
|
chair twice before she would always push it back to its
|
||
|
exact position by the window after she had tidied up the
|
||
|
room, and even left the inner pane of the window open from
|
||
|
then on.
|
||
|
|
||
|
If Gregor had only been able to speak to his sister and
|
||
|
thank her for all that she had to do for him it would have
|
||
|
been easier for him to bear it; but as it was it caused him
|
||
|
pain. His sister, naturally, tried as far as possible to
|
||
|
pretend there was nothing burdensome about it, and the
|
||
|
longer it went on, of course, the better she was able to do
|
||
|
so, but as time went by Gregor was also able to see through
|
||
|
it all so much better. It had even become very unpleasant
|
||
|
for him, now, whenever she entered the room. No sooner had
|
||
|
she come in than she would quickly close the door as a
|
||
|
precaution so that no-one would have to suffer the view into
|
||
|
Gregor's room, then she would go straight to the window and
|
||
|
pull it hurriedly open almost as if she were suffocating.
|
||
|
Even if it was cold, she would stay at the window breathing
|
||
|
deeply for a little while. She would alarm Gregor twice a
|
||
|
day with this running about and noise making; he would stay
|
||
|
under the couch shivering the whole while, knowing full well
|
||
|
that she would certainly have liked to spare him this
|
||
|
ordeal, but it was impossible for her to be in the same room
|
||
|
with him with the windows closed.
|
||
|
|
||
|
One day, about a month after Gregor's transformation when
|
||
|
his sister no longer had any particular reason to be shocked
|
||
|
at his appearance, she came into the room a little earlier
|
||
|
than usual and found him still staring out the window,
|
||
|
motionless, and just where he would be most horrible. In
|
||
|
itself, his sister's not coming into the room would have
|
||
|
been no surprise for Gregor as it would have been difficult
|
||
|
for her to immediately open the window while he was still
|
||
|
there, but not only did she not come in, she went straight
|
||
|
back and closed the door behind her, a stranger would have
|
||
|
thought he had threatened her and tried to bite her. Gregor
|
||
|
went straight to hide himself under the couch, of course,
|
||
|
but he had to wait until midday before his sister came back
|
||
|
and she seemed much more uneasy than usual. It made him
|
||
|
realise that she still found his appearance unbearable and
|
||
|
would continue to do so, she probably even had to overcome
|
||
|
the urge to flee when she saw the little bit of him that
|
||
|
protruded from under the couch. One day, in order to spare
|
||
|
her even this sight, he spent four hours carrying the
|
||
|
bedsheet over to the couch on his back and arranged it so
|
||
|
that he was completely covered and his sister would not be
|
||
|
able to see him even if she bent down. If she did not think
|
||
|
this sheet was necessary then all she had to do was take it
|
||
|
off again, as it was clear enough that it was no pleasure
|
||
|
for Gregor to cut himself off so completely. She left the
|
||
|
sheet where it was. Gregor even thought he glimpsed a look
|
||
|
of gratitude one time when he carefully looked out from
|
||
|
under the sheet to see how his sister liked the new
|
||
|
arrangement.
|
||
|
|
||
|
For the first fourteen days, Gregor's parents could not
|
||
|
bring themselves to come into the room to see him. He would
|
||
|
often hear them say how they appreciated all the new work
|
||
|
his sister was doing even though, before, they had seen her
|
||
|
as a girl who was somewhat useless and frequently been
|
||
|
annoyed with her. But now the two of them, father and
|
||
|
mother, would often both wait outside the door of Gregor's
|
||
|
room while his sister tidied up in there, and as soon as she
|
||
|
went out again she would have to tell them exactly how
|
||
|
everything looked, what Gregor had eaten, how he had behaved
|
||
|
this time and whether, perhaps, any slight improvement could
|
||
|
be seen. His mother also wanted to go in and visit Gregor
|
||
|
relatively soon but his father and sister at first persuaded
|
||
|
her against it. Gregor listened very closely to all this,
|
||
|
and approved fully. Later, though, she had to be held back
|
||
|
by force, which made her call out: "Let me go and see
|
||
|
Gregor, he is my unfortunate son! Can't you understand I
|
||
|
have to see him?", and Gregor would think to himself that
|
||
|
maybe it would be better if his mother came in, not every
|
||
|
day of course, but one day a week, perhaps; she could
|
||
|
understand everything much better than his sister who, for
|
||
|
all her courage, was still just a child after all, and
|
||
|
really might not have had an adult's appreciation of the
|
||
|
burdensome job she had taken on.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor's wish to see his mother was soon realised. Out of
|
||
|
consideration for his parents, Gregor wanted to avoid being
|
||
|
seen at the window during the day, the few square meters of
|
||
|
the floor did not give him much room to crawl about, it was
|
||
|
hard to just lie quietly through the night, his food soon
|
||
|
stopped giving him any pleasure at all, and so, to entertain
|
||
|
himself, he got into the habit of crawling up and down the
|
||
|
walls and ceiling. He was especially fond of hanging from
|
||
|
the ceiling; it was quite different from lying on the floor;
|
||
|
he could breathe more freely; his body had a light swing to
|
||
|
it; and up there, relaxed and almost happy, it might happen
|
||
|
that he would surprise even himself by letting go of the
|
||
|
ceiling and landing on the floor with a crash. But now, of
|
||
|
course, he had far better control of his body than before
|
||
|
and, even with a fall as great as that, caused himself no
|
||
|
damage. Very soon his sister noticed Gregor's new way of
|
||
|
entertaining himself - he had, after all, left traces of the
|
||
|
adhesive from his feet as he crawled about - and got it into
|
||
|
her head to make it as easy as possible for him by removing
|
||
|
the furniture that got in his way, especially the chest of
|
||
|
drawers and the desk.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Now, this was not something that she would be able to do by
|
||
|
herself; she did not dare to ask for help from her father;
|
||
|
the sixteen year old maid had carried on bravely since the
|
||
|
cook had left but she certainly would not have helped in
|
||
|
this, she had even asked to be allowed to keep the kitchen
|
||
|
locked at all times and never to have to open the door
|
||
|
unless it was especially important; so his sister had no
|
||
|
choice but to choose some time when Gregor's father was not
|
||
|
there and fetch his mother to help her. As she approached
|
||
|
the room, Gregor could hear his mother express her joy, but
|
||
|
once at the door she went silent. First, of course, his
|
||
|
sister came in and looked round to see that everything in
|
||
|
the room was alright; and only then did she let her mother
|
||
|
enter. Gregor had hurriedly pulled the sheet down lower
|
||
|
over the couch and put more folds into it so that everything
|
||
|
really looked as if it had just been thrown down by chance.
|
||
|
Gregor also refrained, this time, from spying out from under
|
||
|
the sheet; he gave up the chance to see his mother until
|
||
|
later and was simply glad that she had come. "You can come
|
||
|
in, he can't be seen", said his sister, obviously leading
|
||
|
her in by the hand. The old chest of drawers was too heavy
|
||
|
for a pair of feeble women to be heaving about, but Gregor
|
||
|
listened as they pushed it from its place, his sister always
|
||
|
taking on the heaviest part of the work for herself and
|
||
|
ignoring her mother's warnings that she would strain
|
||
|
herself. This lasted a very long time. After labouring at
|
||
|
it for fifteen minutes or more his mother said it would be
|
||
|
better to leave the chest where it was, for one thing it was
|
||
|
too heavy for them to get the job finished before Gregor's
|
||
|
father got home and leaving it in the middle of the room it
|
||
|
would be in his way even more, and for another thing it
|
||
|
wasn't even sure that taking the furniture away would really
|
||
|
be any help to him. She thought just the opposite; the
|
||
|
sight of the bare walls saddened her right to her heart; and
|
||
|
why wouldn't Gregor feel the same way about it, he'd been
|
||
|
used to this furniture in his room for a long time and it
|
||
|
would make him feel abandoned to be in an empty room like
|
||
|
that.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Then, quietly, almost whispering as if wanting Gregor (whose
|
||
|
whereabouts she did not know) to hear not even the tone of
|
||
|
her voice, as she was convinced that he did not understand
|
||
|
her words, she added "and by taking the furniture away,
|
||
|
won't it seem like we're showing that we've given up all
|
||
|
hope of improvement and we're abandoning him to cope for
|
||
|
himself? I think it'd be best to leave the room exactly the
|
||
|
way it was before so that when Gregor comes back to us again
|
||
|
he'll find everything unchanged and he'll be able to forget
|
||
|
the time in between all the easier".
|
||
|
|
||
|
Hearing these words from his mother made Gregor realise that
|
||
|
the lack of any direct human communication, along with the
|
||
|
monotonous life led by the family during these two months,
|
||
|
must have made him confused - he could think of no other way
|
||
|
of explaining to himself why he had seriously wanted his
|
||
|
room emptied out. Had he really wanted to transform his
|
||
|
room into a cave, a warm room fitted out with the nice
|
||
|
furniture he had inherited? That would have let him crawl
|
||
|
around unimpeded in any direction, but it would also have
|
||
|
let him quickly forget his past when he had still been
|
||
|
human. He had come very close to forgetting, and it had
|
||
|
only been the voice of his mother, unheard for so long, that
|
||
|
had shaken him out of it. Nothing should be removed;
|
||
|
everything had to stay; he could not do without the good
|
||
|
influence the furniture had on his condition; and if the
|
||
|
furniture made it difficult for him to crawl about
|
||
|
mindlessly that was not a loss but a great advantage.
|
||
|
|
||
|
His sister, unfortunately, did not agree; she had become
|
||
|
used to the idea, not without reason, that she was Gregor's
|
||
|
spokesman to his parents about the things that concerned
|
||
|
him. This meant that his mother's advice now was sufficient
|
||
|
reason for her to insist on removing not only the chest of
|
||
|
drawers and the desk, as she had thought at first, but all
|
||
|
the furniture apart from the all-important couch. It was
|
||
|
more than childish perversity, of course, or the unexpected
|
||
|
confidence she had recently acquired, that made her insist;
|
||
|
she had indeed noticed that Gregor needed a lot of room to
|
||
|
crawl about in, whereas the furniture, as far as anyone
|
||
|
could see, was of no use to him at all.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Girls of that age, though, do become enthusiastic about
|
||
|
things and feel they must get their way whenever they can.
|
||
|
Perhaps this was what tempted Grete to make Gregor's
|
||
|
situation seem even more shocking than it was so that she
|
||
|
could do even more for him. Grete would probably be the
|
||
|
only one who would dare enter a room dominated by Gregor
|
||
|
crawling about the bare walls by himself. So she refused to
|
||
|
let her mother dissuade her. Gregor's mother already looked
|
||
|
uneasy in his room, she soon stopped speaking and helped
|
||
|
Gregor's sister to get the chest of drawers out with what
|
||
|
strength she had. The chest of drawers was something that
|
||
|
Gregor could do without if he had to, but the writing desk
|
||
|
had to stay. Hardly had the two women pushed the chest of
|
||
|
drawers, groaning, out of the room than Gregor poked his
|
||
|
head out from under the couch to see what he could do about
|
||
|
it. He meant to be as careful and considerate as he could,
|
||
|
but, unfortunately, it was his mother who came back first
|
||
|
while Grete in the next room had her arms round the chest,
|
||
|
pushing and pulling at it from side to side by herself
|
||
|
without, of course, moving it an inch. His mother was not
|
||
|
used to the sight of Gregor, he might have made her ill, so
|
||
|
Gregor hurried backwards to the far end of the couch. In
|
||
|
his startlement, though, he was not able to prevent the
|
||
|
sheet at its front from moving a little. It was enough to
|
||
|
attract his mother's attention. She stood very still,
|
||
|
remained there a moment, and then went back out to Grete.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor kept trying to assure himself that nothing unusual
|
||
|
was happening, it was just a few pieces of furniture being
|
||
|
moved after all, but he soon had to admit that the women
|
||
|
going to and fro, their little calls to each other, the
|
||
|
scraping of the furniture on the floor, all these things
|
||
|
made him feel as if he were being assailed from all sides.
|
||
|
With his head and legs pulled in against him and his body
|
||
|
pressed to the floor, he was forced to admit to himself that
|
||
|
he could not stand all of this much longer. They were
|
||
|
emptying his room out; taking away everything that was dear
|
||
|
to him; they had already taken out the chest containing his
|
||
|
fretsaw and other tools; now they threatened to remove the
|
||
|
writing desk with its place clearly worn into the floor, the
|
||
|
desk where he had done his homework as a business trainee,
|
||
|
at high school, even while he had been at infant school - he
|
||
|
really could not wait any longer to see whether the two
|
||
|
women's intentions were good. He had nearly forgotten they
|
||
|
were there anyway, as they were now too tired to say
|
||
|
anything while they worked and he could only hear their feet
|
||
|
as they stepped heavily on the floor.
|
||
|
|
||
|
So, while the women were leant against the desk in the other
|
||
|
room catching their breath, he sallied out, changed
|
||
|
direction four times not knowing what he should save first
|
||
|
before his attention was suddenly caught by the picture on
|
||
|
the wall - which was already denuded of everything else that
|
||
|
had been on it - of the lady dressed in copious fur. He
|
||
|
hurried up onto the picture and pressed himself against its
|
||
|
glass, it held him firmly and felt good on his hot belly.
|
||
|
This picture at least, now totally covered by Gregor, would
|
||
|
certainly be taken away by no-one. He turned his head to
|
||
|
face the door into the living room so that he could watch
|
||
|
the women when they came back.
|
||
|
|
||
|
They had not allowed themselves a long rest and came back
|
||
|
quite soon; Grete had put her arm around her mother and was
|
||
|
nearly carrying her. "What shall we take now, then?", said
|
||
|
Grete and looked around. Her eyes met those of Gregor on
|
||
|
the wall. Perhaps only because her mother was there, she
|
||
|
remained calm, bent her face to her so that she would not
|
||
|
look round and said, albeit hurriedly and with a tremor in
|
||
|
her voice: "Come on, let's go back in the living room for a
|
||
|
while?" Gregor could see what Grete had in mind, she wanted
|
||
|
to take her mother somewhere safe and then chase him down
|
||
|
from the wall. Well, she could certainly try it! He sat
|
||
|
unyielding on his picture. He would rather jump at Grete's
|
||
|
face.
|
||
|
|
||
|
But Grete's words had made her mother quite worried, she
|
||
|
stepped to one side, saw the enormous brown patch against
|
||
|
the flowers of the wallpaper, and before she even realised
|
||
|
it was Gregor that she saw screamed: "Oh God, oh God!" Arms
|
||
|
outstretched, she fell onto the couch as if she had given up
|
||
|
everything and stayed there immobile. "Gregor!" shouted his
|
||
|
sister, glowering at him and shaking her fist. That was the
|
||
|
first word she had spoken to him directly since his
|
||
|
transformation. She ran into the other room to fetch some
|
||
|
kind of smelling salts to bring her mother out of her faint;
|
||
|
Gregor wanted to help too - he could save his picture later,
|
||
|
although he stuck fast to the glass and had to pull himself
|
||
|
off by force; then he, too, ran into the next room as if he
|
||
|
could advise his sister like in the old days; but he had to
|
||
|
just stand behind her doing nothing; she was looking into
|
||
|
various bottles, he startled her when she turned round; a
|
||
|
bottle fell to the ground and broke; a splinter cut Gregor's
|
||
|
face, some kind of caustic medicine splashed all over him;
|
||
|
now, without delaying any longer, Grete took hold of all the
|
||
|
bottles she could and ran with them in to her mother; she
|
||
|
slammed the door shut with her foot. So now Gregor was shut
|
||
|
out from his mother, who, because of him, might be near to
|
||
|
death; he could not open the door if he did not want to
|
||
|
chase his sister away, and she had to stay with his mother;
|
||
|
there was nothing for him to do but wait; and, oppressed
|
||
|
with anxiety and self-reproach, he began to crawl about, he
|
||
|
crawled over everything, walls, furniture, ceiling, and
|
||
|
finally in his confusion as the whole room began to spin
|
||
|
around him he fell down into the middle of the dinner table.
|
||
|
|
||
|
He lay there for a while, numb and immobile, all around him
|
||
|
it was quiet, maybe that was a good sign. Then there was
|
||
|
someone at the door. The maid, of course, had locked
|
||
|
herself in her kitchen so that Grete would have to go and
|
||
|
answer it. His father had arrived home. "What's happened?"
|
||
|
were his first words; Grete's appearance must have made
|
||
|
everything clear to him. She answered him with subdued
|
||
|
voice, and openly pressed her face into his chest: "Mother's
|
||
|
fainted, but she's better now. Gregor got out." "Just as I
|
||
|
expected", said his father, "just as I always said, but you
|
||
|
women wouldn't listen, would you."
|
||
|
|
||
|
It was clear to Gregor that Grete had not said enough and
|
||
|
that his father took it to mean that something bad had
|
||
|
happened, that he was responsible for some act of violence.
|
||
|
That meant Gregor would now have to try to calm his father,
|
||
|
as he did not have the time to explain things to him even if
|
||
|
that had been possible. So he fled to the door of his room
|
||
|
and pressed himself against it so that his father, when he
|
||
|
came in from the hall, could see straight away that Gregor
|
||
|
had the best intentions and would go back into his room
|
||
|
without delay, that it would not be necessary to drive him
|
||
|
back but that they had only to open the door and he would
|
||
|
disappear.
|
||
|
|
||
|
His father, though, was not in the mood to notice subtleties
|
||
|
like that; "Ah!", he shouted as he came in, sounding as if
|
||
|
he were both angry and glad at the same time. Gregor drew
|
||
|
his head back from the door and lifted it towards his
|
||
|
father. He really had not imagined his father the way he
|
||
|
stood there now; of late, with his new habit of crawling
|
||
|
about, he had neglected to pay attention to what was going
|
||
|
on the rest of the flat the way he had done before. He
|
||
|
really ought to have expected things to have changed, but
|
||
|
still, still, was that really his father? The same tired
|
||
|
man as used to be laying there entombed in his bed when
|
||
|
Gregor came back from his business trips, who would receive
|
||
|
him sitting in the armchair in his nightgown when he came
|
||
|
back in the evenings; who was hardly even able to stand up
|
||
|
but, as a sign of his pleasure, would just raise his arms
|
||
|
and who, on the couple of times a year when they went for a
|
||
|
walk together on a Sunday or public holiday wrapped up
|
||
|
tightly in his overcoat between Gregor and his mother, would
|
||
|
always labour his way forward a little more slowly than
|
||
|
them, who were already walking slowly for his sake; who
|
||
|
would place his stick down carefully and, if he wanted to
|
||
|
say something would invariably stop and gather his
|
||
|
companions around him.
|
||
|
|
||
|
He was standing up straight enough now; dressed in a smart
|
||
|
blue uniform with gold buttons, the sort worn by the
|
||
|
employees at the banking institute; above the high, stiff
|
||
|
collar of the coat his strong double-chin emerged; under the
|
||
|
bushy eyebrows, his piercing, dark eyes looked out fresh and
|
||
|
alert; his normally unkempt white hair was combed down
|
||
|
painfully close to his scalp. He took his cap, with its
|
||
|
gold monogram from, probably, some bank, and threw it in an
|
||
|
arc right across the room onto the sofa, put his hands in
|
||
|
his trouser pockets, pushing back the bottom of his long
|
||
|
uniform coat, and, with look of determination, walked
|
||
|
towards Gregor.
|
||
|
|
||
|
He probably did not even know himself what he had in mind,
|
||
|
but nonetheless lifted his feet unusually high. Gregor was
|
||
|
amazed at the enormous size of the soles of his boots, but
|
||
|
wasted no time with that - he knew full well, right from the
|
||
|
first day of his new life, that his father thought it
|
||
|
necessary to always be extremely strict with him. And so he
|
||
|
ran up to his father, stopped when his father stopped,
|
||
|
scurried forwards again when he moved, even slightly. In
|
||
|
this way they went round the room several times without
|
||
|
anything decisive happening, without even giving the
|
||
|
impression of a chase as everything went so slowly. Gregor
|
||
|
remained all this time on the floor, largely because he
|
||
|
feared his father might see it as especially provoking if he
|
||
|
fled onto the wall or ceiling. Whatever he did, Gregor had
|
||
|
to admit that he certainly would not be able to keep up this
|
||
|
running about for long, as for each step his father took he
|
||
|
had to carry out countless movements. He became noticeably
|
||
|
short of breath, even in his earlier life his lungs had not
|
||
|
been very reliable. Now, as he lurched about in his efforts
|
||
|
to muster all the strength he could for running he could
|
||
|
hardly keep his eyes open; his thoughts became too slow for
|
||
|
him to think of any other way of saving himself than
|
||
|
running; he almost forgot that the walls were there for him
|
||
|
to use although, here, they were concealed behind carefully
|
||
|
carved furniture full of notches and protrusions - then,
|
||
|
right beside him, lightly tossed, something flew down and
|
||
|
rolled in front of him. It was an apple; then another one
|
||
|
immediately flew at him; Gregor froze in shock; there was no
|
||
|
longer any point in running as his father had decided to
|
||
|
bombard him. He had filled his pockets with fruit from the
|
||
|
bowl on the sideboard and now, without even taking the time
|
||
|
for careful aim, threw one apple after another. These
|
||
|
little, red apples rolled about on the floor, knocking into
|
||
|
each other as if they had electric motors. An apple thrown
|
||
|
without much force glanced against Gregor's back and slid
|
||
|
off without doing any harm. Another one however,
|
||
|
immediately following it, hit squarely and lodged in his
|
||
|
back; Gregor wanted to drag himself away, as if he could
|
||
|
remove the surprising, the incredible pain by changing his
|
||
|
position; but he felt as if nailed to the spot and spread
|
||
|
himself out, all his senses in confusion. The last thing he
|
||
|
saw was the door of his room being pulled open, his sister
|
||
|
was screaming, his mother ran out in front of her in her
|
||
|
blouse (as his sister had taken off some of her clothes
|
||
|
after she had fainted to make it easier for her to breathe),
|
||
|
she ran to his father, her skirts unfastened and sliding one
|
||
|
after another to the ground, stumbling over the skirts she
|
||
|
pushed herself to his father, her arms around him, uniting
|
||
|
herself with him totally - now Gregor lost his ability to
|
||
|
see anything - her hands behind his father's head begging
|
||
|
him to spare Gregor's life.
|
||
|
|
||
|
III
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
|
||
|
No-one dared to remove the apple lodged in Gregor's flesh,
|
||
|
so it remained there as a visible reminder of his injury.
|
||
|
He had suffered it there for more than a month, and his
|
||
|
condition seemed serious enough to remind even his father
|
||
|
that Gregor, despite his current sad and revolting form, was
|
||
|
a family member who could not be treated as an enemy. On
|
||
|
the contrary, as a family there was a duty to swallow any
|
||
|
revulsion for him and to be patient, just to be patient.
|
||
|
Because of his injuries, Gregor had lost much of his
|
||
|
mobility - probably permanently. He had been reduced to the
|
||
|
condition of an ancient invalid and it took him long, long
|
||
|
minutes to crawl across his room - crawling over the ceiling
|
||
|
was out of the question - but this deterioration in his
|
||
|
condition was fully (in his opinion) made up for by the door
|
||
|
to the living room being left open every evening. He got
|
||
|
into the habit of closely watching it for one or two hours
|
||
|
before it was opened and then, lying in the darkness of his
|
||
|
room where he could not be seen from the living room, he
|
||
|
could watch the family in the light of the dinner table and
|
||
|
listen to their conversation - with everyone's permission,
|
||
|
in a way, and thus quite differently from before.
|
||
|
|
||
|
They no longer held the lively conversations of earlier
|
||
|
times, of course, the ones that Gregor always thought about
|
||
|
with longing when he was tired and getting into the damp bed
|
||
|
in some small hotel room. All of them were usually very
|
||
|
quiet nowadays. Soon after dinner, his father would go to
|
||
|
sleep in his chair; his mother and sister would urge each
|
||
|
other to be quiet; his mother, bent deeply under the lamp,
|
||
|
would sew fancy underwear for a fashion shop; his sister,
|
||
|
who had taken a sales job, learned shorthand and French in
|
||
|
the evenings so that she might be able to get a better
|
||
|
position later on. Sometimes his father would wake up and
|
||
|
say to Gregor's mother "you're doing so much sewing again
|
||
|
today!", as if he did not know that he had been dozing - and
|
||
|
then he would go back to sleep again while mother and sister
|
||
|
would exchange a tired grin. With a kind of stubbornness,
|
||
|
Gregor's father refused to take his uniform off even at
|
||
|
home; while his nightgown hung unused on its peg Gregor's
|
||
|
father would slumber where he was, fully dressed, as if
|
||
|
always ready to serve and expecting to hear the voice of his
|
||
|
superior even here. The uniform had not been new to start
|
||
|
with, but as a result of this it slowly became even shabbier
|
||
|
despite the efforts of Gregor's mother and sister to look
|
||
|
after it. Gregor would often spend the whole evening
|
||
|
looking at all the stains on this coat, with its gold
|
||
|
buttons always kept polished and shiny, while the old man in
|
||
|
it would sleep, highly uncomfortable but peaceful.
|
||
|
|
||
|
As soon as it struck ten, Gregor's mother would speak gently
|
||
|
to his father to wake him and try to persuade him to go to
|
||
|
bed, as he couldn't sleep properly where he was and he
|
||
|
really had to get his sleep if he was to be up at six to get
|
||
|
to work. But since he had been in work he had become more
|
||
|
obstinate and would always insist on staying longer at the
|
||
|
table, even though he regularly fell asleep and it was then
|
||
|
harder than ever to persuade him to exchange the chair for
|
||
|
his bed. Then, however much mother and sister would
|
||
|
importune him with little reproaches and warnings he would
|
||
|
keep slowly shaking his head for a quarter of an hour with
|
||
|
his eyes closed and refusing to get up. Gregor's mother
|
||
|
would tug at his sleeve, whisper endearments into his ear,
|
||
|
Gregor's sister would leave her work to help her mother, but
|
||
|
nothing would have any effect on him. He would just sink
|
||
|
deeper into his chair. Only when the two women took him
|
||
|
under the arms he would abruptly open his eyes, look at them
|
||
|
one after the other and say: "What a life! This is what
|
||
|
peace I get in my old age!" And supported by the two women
|
||
|
he would lift himself up carefully as if he were carrying
|
||
|
the greatest load himself, let the women take him to the
|
||
|
door, send them off and carry on by himself while Gregor's
|
||
|
mother would throw down her needle and his sister her pen so
|
||
|
that they could run after his father and continue being of
|
||
|
help to him.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Who, in this tired and overworked family, would have had
|
||
|
time to give more attention to Gregor than was absolutely
|
||
|
necessary? The household budget became even smaller; so now
|
||
|
the maid was dismissed; an enormous, thick-boned charwoman
|
||
|
with white hair that flapped around her head came every
|
||
|
morning and evening to do the heaviest work; everything else
|
||
|
was looked after by Gregor's mother on top of the large
|
||
|
amount of sewing work she did. Gregor even learned,
|
||
|
listening to the evening conversation about what price they
|
||
|
had hoped for, that several items of jewellery belonging to
|
||
|
the family had been sold, even though both mother and
|
||
|
sister had been very fond of wearing them at functions and
|
||
|
celebrations. But the loudest complaint was that although
|
||
|
the flat was much too big for their present circumstances,
|
||
|
they could not move out of it, there was no imaginable way
|
||
|
of transferring Gregor to the new address. He could see
|
||
|
quite well, though, that there were more reasons than
|
||
|
consideration for him that made it difficult for them to
|
||
|
move, it would have been quite easy to transport him in any
|
||
|
suitable crate with a few air holes in it; the main thing
|
||
|
holding the family back from their decision to move was much
|
||
|
more to do with their total despair, and the thought that
|
||
|
they had been struck with a misfortune unlike anything
|
||
|
experienced by anyone else they knew or were related to.
|
||
|
|
||
|
They carried out absolutely everything that the world
|
||
|
expects from poor people, Gregor's father brought bank
|
||
|
employees their breakfast, his mother sacrificed herself by
|
||
|
washing clothes for strangers, his sister ran back and forth
|
||
|
behind her desk at the behest of the customers, but they
|
||
|
just did not have the strength to do any more. And the
|
||
|
injury in Gregor's back began to hurt as much as when it was
|
||
|
new. After they had come back from taking his father to bed
|
||
|
Gregor's mother and sister would now leave their work where
|
||
|
it was and sit close together, cheek to cheek; his mother
|
||
|
would point to Gregor's room and say "Close that door,
|
||
|
Grete", and then, when he was in the dark again, they would
|
||
|
sit in the next room and their tears would mingle, or they
|
||
|
would simply sit there staring dry-eyed at the table.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor hardly slept at all, either night or day. Sometimes
|
||
|
he would think of taking over the family's affairs, just
|
||
|
like before, the next time the door was opened; he had long
|
||
|
forgotten about his boss and the chief clerk, but they would
|
||
|
appear again in his thoughts, the salesmen and the
|
||
|
apprentices, that stupid teaboy, two or three friends from
|
||
|
other businesses, one of the chambermaids from a provincial
|
||
|
hotel, a tender memory that appeared and disappeared again,
|
||
|
a cashier from a hat shop for whom his attention had been
|
||
|
serious but too slow, - all of them appeared to him, mixed
|
||
|
together with strangers and others he had forgotten, but
|
||
|
instead of helping him and his family they were all of them
|
||
|
inaccessible, and he was glad when they disappeared.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Other times he was not at all in the mood to look after his
|
||
|
family, he was filled with simple rage about the lack of
|
||
|
attention he was shown, and although he could think of
|
||
|
nothing he would have wanted, he made plans of how he could
|
||
|
get into the pantry where he could take all the things he
|
||
|
was entitled to, even if he was not hungry. Gregor's sister
|
||
|
no longer thought about how she could please him but would
|
||
|
hurriedly push some food or other into his room with her
|
||
|
foot before she rushed out to work in the morning and at
|
||
|
midday, and in the evening she would sweep it away again
|
||
|
with the broom, indifferent as to whether it had been eaten
|
||
|
or - more often than not - had been left totally untouched.
|
||
|
She still cleared up the room in the evening, but now she
|
||
|
could not have been any quicker about it. Smears of dirt
|
||
|
were left on the walls, here and there were little balls of
|
||
|
dust and filth. At first, Gregor went into one of the worst
|
||
|
of these places when his sister arrived as a reproach to
|
||
|
her, but he could have stayed there for weeks without his
|
||
|
sister doing anything about it; she could see the dirt as
|
||
|
well as he could but she had simply decided to leave him to
|
||
|
it.
|
||
|
|
||
|
At the same time she became touchy in a way that was quite
|
||
|
new for her and which everyone in the family understood -
|
||
|
cleaning up Gregor's room was for her and her alone.
|
||
|
Gregor's mother did once thoroughly clean his room, and
|
||
|
needed to use several bucketfuls of water to do it -
|
||
|
although that much dampness also made Gregor ill and he lay
|
||
|
flat on the couch, bitter and immobile. But his mother was
|
||
|
to be punished still more for what she had done, as hardly
|
||
|
had his sister arrived home in the evening than she noticed
|
||
|
the change in Gregor's room and, highly aggrieved, ran back
|
||
|
into the living room where, despite her mothers raised and
|
||
|
imploring hands, she broke into convulsive tears. Her
|
||
|
father, of course, was startled out of his chair and the two
|
||
|
parents looked on astonished and helpless; then they, too,
|
||
|
became agitated; Gregor's father, standing to the right of
|
||
|
his mother, accused her of not leaving the cleaning of
|
||
|
Gregor's room to his sister; from her left, Gregor's sister
|
||
|
screamed at her that she was never to clean Gregor's room
|
||
|
again; while his mother tried to draw his father, who was
|
||
|
beside himself with anger, into the bedroom; his sister,
|
||
|
quaking with tears, thumped on the table with her small
|
||
|
fists; and Gregor hissed in anger that no-one had even
|
||
|
thought of closing the door to save him the sight of this
|
||
|
and all its noise.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor's sister was exhausted from going out to work, and
|
||
|
looking after Gregor as she had done before was even more
|
||
|
work for her, but even so his mother ought certainly not to
|
||
|
have taken her place. Gregor, on the other hand, ought not
|
||
|
to be neglected. Now, though, the charwoman was here. This
|
||
|
elderly widow, with a robust bone structure that made her
|
||
|
able to withstand the hardest of things in her long life,
|
||
|
wasn't really repelled by Gregor. Just by chance one day,
|
||
|
rather than any real curiosity, she opened the door to
|
||
|
Gregor's room and found herself face to face with him. He
|
||
|
was taken totally by surprise, no-one was chasing him but he
|
||
|
began to rush to and fro while she just stood there in
|
||
|
amazement with her hands crossed in front of her. From then
|
||
|
on she never failed to open the door slightly every evening
|
||
|
and morning and look briefly in on him. At first she would
|
||
|
call to him as she did so with words that she probably
|
||
|
considered friendly, such as "come on then, you old dung-
|
||
|
beetle!", or "look at the old dung-beetle there!" Gregor
|
||
|
never responded to being spoken to in that way, but just
|
||
|
remained where he was without moving as if the door had
|
||
|
never even been opened. If only they had told this
|
||
|
charwoman to clean up his room every day instead of letting
|
||
|
her disturb him for no reason whenever she felt like it!
|
||
|
One day, early in the morning while a heavy rain struck the
|
||
|
windowpanes, perhaps indicating that spring was coming, she
|
||
|
began to speak to him in that way once again. Gregor was so
|
||
|
resentful of it that he started to move toward her, he was
|
||
|
slow and infirm, but it was like a kind of attack. Instead
|
||
|
of being afraid, the charwoman just lifted up one of the
|
||
|
chairs from near the door and stood there with her mouth
|
||
|
open, clearly intending not to close her mouth until the
|
||
|
chair in her hand had been slammed down into Gregor's back.
|
||
|
"Aren't you coming any closer, then?", she asked when Gregor
|
||
|
turned round again, and she calmly put the chair back in the
|
||
|
corner.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor had almost entirely stopped eating. Only if he
|
||
|
happened to find himself next to the food that had been
|
||
|
prepared for him he might take some of it into his mouth to
|
||
|
play with it, leave it there a few hours and then, more
|
||
|
often than not, spit it out again. At first he thought it
|
||
|
was distress at the state of his room that stopped him
|
||
|
eating, but he had soon got used to the changes made there.
|
||
|
They had got into the habit of putting things into this room
|
||
|
that they had room for anywhere else, and there were now
|
||
|
many such things as one of the rooms in the flat had been
|
||
|
rented out to three gentlemen. These earnest gentlemen -
|
||
|
all three of them had full beards, as Gregor learned peering
|
||
|
through the crack in the door one day - were painfully
|
||
|
insistent on things' being tidy. This meant not only in
|
||
|
their own room but, since they had taken a room in this
|
||
|
establishment, in the entire flat and especially in the
|
||
|
kitchen. Unnecessary clutter was something they could not
|
||
|
tolerate, especially if it was dirty. They had moreover
|
||
|
brought most of their own furnishings and equipment with
|
||
|
them. For this reason, many things had become superfluous
|
||
|
which, although they could not be sold, the family did not
|
||
|
wish to discard. All these things found their way into
|
||
|
Gregor's room. The dustbins from the kitchen found their
|
||
|
way in there too. The charwoman was always in a hurry, and
|
||
|
anything she couldn't use for the time being she would just
|
||
|
chuck in there. He, fortunately, would usually see no more
|
||
|
than the object and the hand that held it. The woman most
|
||
|
likely meant to fetch the things back out again when she had
|
||
|
time and the opportunity, or to throw everything out in one
|
||
|
go, but what actually happened was that they were left where
|
||
|
they landed when they had first been thrown unless Gregor
|
||
|
made his way through the junk and moved it somewhere else.
|
||
|
At first he moved it because, with no other room free where
|
||
|
he could crawl about, he was forced to, but later on he came
|
||
|
to enjoy it although moving about in the way left him sad
|
||
|
and tired to death and he would remain immobile for hours
|
||
|
afterwards.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The gentlemen who rented the room would sometimes take their
|
||
|
evening meal at home in the living room that was used by
|
||
|
everyone, and so the door to this room was often kept closed
|
||
|
in the evening. But Gregor found it easy to give up having
|
||
|
the door open, he had, after all, often failed to make use
|
||
|
of it when it was open and, without the family having
|
||
|
noticed it, lain in his room in its darkest corner. One
|
||
|
time, though, the charwoman left the door to the living room
|
||
|
slightly open, and it remained open when the gentlemen who
|
||
|
rented the room came in in the evening and the light was put
|
||
|
on. They sat up at the table where, formerly, Gregor had
|
||
|
taken his meals with his father and mother, they unfolded
|
||
|
the serviettes and picked up their knives and forks.
|
||
|
Gregor's mother immediately appeared in the doorway with a
|
||
|
dish of meat and soon behind her came his sister with a dish
|
||
|
piled high with potatoes. The food was steaming, and filled
|
||
|
the room with its smell. The gentlemen bent over the dishes
|
||
|
set in front of them as if they wanted to test the food
|
||
|
before eating it, and the gentleman in the middle, who
|
||
|
seemed to count as an authority for the other two, did
|
||
|
indeed cut off a piece of meat while it was still in its
|
||
|
dish, clearly wishing to establish whether it was
|
||
|
sufficiently cooked or whether it should be sent back to the
|
||
|
kitchen. It was to his satisfaction, and Gregor's mother
|
||
|
and sister, who had been looking on anxiously, began to
|
||
|
breathe again and smiled.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The family themselves ate in the kitchen. Nonetheless,
|
||
|
Gregor's father came into the living room before he went
|
||
|
into the kitchen, bowed once with his cap in his hand and
|
||
|
did his round of the table. The gentlemen stood as one, and
|
||
|
mumbled something into their beards. Then, once they were
|
||
|
alone, they ate in near perfect silence. It seemed
|
||
|
remarkable to Gregor that above all the various noises of
|
||
|
eating their chewing teeth could still be heard, as if they
|
||
|
had wanted to Show Gregor that you need teeth in order to
|
||
|
eat and it was not possible to perform anything with jaws
|
||
|
that are toothless however nice they might be. "I'd like to
|
||
|
eat something", said Gregor anxiously, "but not anything
|
||
|
like they're eating. They do feed themselves. And here I
|
||
|
am, dying!"
|
||
|
|
||
|
Throughout all this time, Gregor could not remember having
|
||
|
heard the violin being played, but this evening it began to
|
||
|
be heard from the kitchen. The three gentlemen had already
|
||
|
finished their meal, the one in the middle had produced a
|
||
|
newspaper, given a page to each of the others, and now they
|
||
|
leant back in their chairs reading them and smoking. When
|
||
|
the violin began playing they became attentive, stood up and
|
||
|
went on tip-toe over to the door of the hallway where they
|
||
|
stood pressed against each other. Someone must have heard
|
||
|
them in the kitchen, as Gregor's father called out: "Is the
|
||
|
playing perhaps unpleasant for the gentlemen? We can stop
|
||
|
it straight away."
|
||
|
|
||
|
"On the contrary", said the middle gentleman, "would the young lady
|
||
|
not like to come in and play for us here in the room, where it is,
|
||
|
after all, much more cosy and comfortable?" "Oh yes, we'd love to",
|
||
|
called back Gregor's father as if he had been the violin player
|
||
|
himself. The gentlemen stepped back into the room and waited.
|
||
|
Gregor's father soon appeared with the music stand, his mother with
|
||
|
the music and his sister with the violin. She calmly prepared
|
||
|
everything for her to begin playing; his parents, who had never rented
|
||
|
a room out before and therefore showed an exaggerated courtesy towards
|
||
|
the three gentlemen, did not even dare to sit on their own chairs; his
|
||
|
father leant against the door with his right hand pushed in between
|
||
|
two buttons on his uniform coat; his mother, though, was offered a
|
||
|
seat by one of the gentlemen and sat - leaving the chair where the
|
||
|
gentleman happened to have placed it - out of the way in a corner.
|
||
|
|
||
|
His sister began to play; father and mother paid close
|
||
|
attention, one on each side, to the movements of her hands.
|
||
|
Drawn in by the playing, Gregor had dared to come forward a
|
||
|
little and already had his head in the living room. Before,
|
||
|
he had taken great pride in how considerate he was but now
|
||
|
it hardly occurred to him that he had become so thoughtless
|
||
|
about the others. What's more, there was now all the more
|
||
|
reason to keep himself hidden as he was covered in the dust
|
||
|
that lay everywhere in his room and flew up at the slightest
|
||
|
movement; he carried threads, hairs, and remains of food
|
||
|
about on his back and sides; he was much too indifferent to
|
||
|
everything now to lay on his back and wipe himself on the
|
||
|
carpet like he had used to do several times a day. And
|
||
|
despite this condition, he was not too shy to move forward a
|
||
|
little onto the immaculate floor of the living room.
|
||
|
|
||
|
No-one noticed him, though. The family was totally
|
||
|
preoccupied with the violin playing; at first, the three
|
||
|
gentlemen had put their hands in their pockets and come up
|
||
|
far too close behind the music stand to look at all the
|
||
|
notes being played, and they must have disturbed Gregor's
|
||
|
sister, but soon, in contrast with the family, they
|
||
|
withdrew back to the window with their heads sunk and
|
||
|
talking to each other at half volume, and they stayed by the
|
||
|
window while Gregor's father observed them anxiously. It
|
||
|
really now seemed very obvious that they had expected to
|
||
|
hear some beautiful or entertaining violin playing but had
|
||
|
been disappointed, that they had had enough of the whole
|
||
|
performance and it was only now out of politeness that they
|
||
|
allowed their peace to be disturbed. It was especially
|
||
|
unnerving, the way they all blew the smoke from their
|
||
|
cigarettes upwards from their mouth and noses. Yet Gregor's
|
||
|
sister was playing so beautifully. Her face was leant to
|
||
|
one side, following the lines of music with a careful and
|
||
|
melancholy expression. Gregor crawled a little further
|
||
|
forward, keeping his head close to the ground so that he
|
||
|
could meet her eyes if the chance came. Was he an animal if
|
||
|
music could captivate him so? It seemed to him that he was
|
||
|
being shown the way to the unknown nourishment he had been
|
||
|
yearning for. He was determined to make his way forward to
|
||
|
his sister and tug at her skirt to show her she might come
|
||
|
into his room with her violin, as no-one appreciated her
|
||
|
playing here as much as he would. He never wanted to let
|
||
|
her out of his room, not while he lived, anyway; his
|
||
|
shocking appearance should, for once, be of some use to him;
|
||
|
he wanted to be at every door of his room at once to hiss
|
||
|
and spit at the attackers; his sister should not be forced
|
||
|
to stay with him, though, but stay of her own free will; she
|
||
|
would sit beside him on the couch with her ear bent down to
|
||
|
him while he told her how he had always intended to send her
|
||
|
to the conservatory, how he would have told everyone about
|
||
|
it last Christmas - had Christmas really come and gone
|
||
|
already? - if this misfortune hadn't got in the way, and
|
||
|
refuse to let anyone dissuade him from it. On hearing all
|
||
|
this, his sister would break out in tears of emotion, and
|
||
|
Gregor would climb up to her shoulder and kiss her neck,
|
||
|
which, since she had been going out to work, she had kept
|
||
|
free without any necklace or collar.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Mr. Samsa!", shouted the middle gentleman to Gregor's
|
||
|
father, pointing, without wasting any more words, with his
|
||
|
forefinger at Gregor as he slowly moved forward. The violin
|
||
|
went silent, the middle of the three gentlemen first smiled
|
||
|
at his two friends, shaking his head, and then looked back
|
||
|
at Gregor. His father seemed to think it more important to
|
||
|
calm the three gentlemen before driving Gregor out, even
|
||
|
though they were not at all upset and seemed to think Gregor
|
||
|
was more entertaining that the violin playing had been. He
|
||
|
rushed up to them with his arms spread out and attempted to
|
||
|
drive them back into their room at the same time as trying
|
||
|
to block their view of Gregor with his body. Now they did
|
||
|
become a little annoyed, and it was not clear whether it was
|
||
|
his father's behaviour that annoyed them or the dawning
|
||
|
realisation that they had had a neighbour like Gregor in the
|
||
|
next room without knowing it. They asked Gregor's father
|
||
|
for explanations, raised their arms like he had, tugged
|
||
|
excitedly at heir beards and moved back towards their room
|
||
|
only very slowly. Meanwhile Gregor's sister had overcome
|
||
|
the despair she had fallen into when her playing was
|
||
|
suddenly interrupted. She had let her hands drop and let
|
||
|
violin and bow hang limply for a while but continued to look
|
||
|
at the music as if still playing, but then she suddenly
|
||
|
pulled herself together, lay the instrument on her mother's
|
||
|
lap who still sat laboriously struggling for breath where
|
||
|
she was, and ran into the next room which, under pressure
|
||
|
from her father, the three gentlemen were more quickly
|
||
|
moving toward. Under his sister's experienced hand, the
|
||
|
pillows and covers on the beds flew up and were put into
|
||
|
order and she had already finished making the beds and
|
||
|
slipped out again before the three gentlemen had reached the
|
||
|
room. Gregor's father seemed so obsessed with what he was
|
||
|
doing that he forgot all the respect he owed to his tenants.
|
||
|
He urged them and pressed them until, when he was already at
|
||
|
the door of the room, the middle of the three gentlemen
|
||
|
shouted like thunder and stamped his foot and thereby
|
||
|
brought Gregor's father to a halt. "I declare here and
|
||
|
now", he said, raising his hand and glancing at Gregor's
|
||
|
mother and sister to gain their attention too, "that with
|
||
|
regard to the repugnant conditions that prevail in this flat
|
||
|
and with this family" - here he looked briefly but
|
||
|
decisively at the floor - "I give immediate notice on my
|
||
|
room. For the days that I have been living here I will, of
|
||
|
course, pay nothing at all, on the contrary I will consider
|
||
|
whether to proceed with some kind of action for damages from
|
||
|
you, and believe me it would be very easy to set out the
|
||
|
grounds for such an action." He was silent and looked
|
||
|
straight ahead as if waiting for something. And indeed, his
|
||
|
two friends joined in with the words: "And we also give
|
||
|
immediate notice." With that, he took hold of the door
|
||
|
handle and slammed the door.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor's father staggered back to his seat, feeling his way
|
||
|
with his hands, and fell into it; it looked as if he was
|
||
|
stretching himself out for his usual evening nap but from
|
||
|
the uncontrolled way his head kept nodding it could be seen
|
||
|
that he was not sleeping at all. Throughout all this,
|
||
|
Gregor had lain still where the three gentlemen had first
|
||
|
seen him. His disappointment at the failure of his plan,
|
||
|
and perhaps also because he was weak from hunger, made it
|
||
|
impossible for him to move. He was sure that everyone would
|
||
|
turn on him any moment, and he waited. He was not even
|
||
|
startled out of this state when the violin on his mother's
|
||
|
lap fell from her trembling fingers and landed loudly on the
|
||
|
floor.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Father, Mother", said his sister, hitting the table with
|
||
|
her hand as introduction, "we can't carry on like this.
|
||
|
Maybe you can't see it, but I can. I don't want to call
|
||
|
this monster my brother, all I can say is: we have to try
|
||
|
and get rid of it. We've done all that's humanly possible
|
||
|
to look after it and be patient, I don't think anyone could
|
||
|
accuse us of doing anything wrong." "She's absolutely
|
||
|
right", said Gregor's father to himself. His mother, who
|
||
|
still had not had time to catch her breath, began to cough
|
||
|
dully, her hand held out in front of her and a deranged
|
||
|
expression in her eyes.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Gregor's sister rushed to his mother and put her hand on her
|
||
|
forehead. Her words seemed to give Gregor's father some
|
||
|
more definite ideas. He sat upright, played with his
|
||
|
uniform cap between the plates left by the three gentlemen
|
||
|
after their meal, and occasionally looked down at Gregor as
|
||
|
he lay there immobile.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"We have to try and get rid of it", said Gregor's sister,
|
||
|
now speaking only to her father, as her mother was too
|
||
|
occupied with coughing to listen, "it'll be the death of
|
||
|
both of you, I can see it coming. We can't all work as hard
|
||
|
as we have to and then come home to be tortured like this,
|
||
|
we can't endure it. I can't endure it any more." And she
|
||
|
broke out so heavily in tears that they flowed down the face
|
||
|
of her mother, and she wiped them away with mechanical hand
|
||
|
movements. "My child", said her father with sympathy and
|
||
|
obvious understanding, "what are we to do?" His sister just
|
||
|
shrugged her shoulders as a sign of the helplessness that
|
||
|
had taken hold of her, displacing her earlier certainly when
|
||
|
she had broken into tears.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"If he could just understand us", said his father almost as
|
||
|
a question; his sister shook her hand vigorously through her
|
||
|
tears as a sign that of that there was no question.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"If he could just understand us", repeated Gregor's father,
|
||
|
closing his eyes in acceptance of his sister's certainty
|
||
|
that that was quite impossible, "then perhaps we could come
|
||
|
to some kind of arrangement with him. But as it is ..."
|
||
|
|
||
|
"It's got to go", shouted his sister, "that's the only way,
|
||
|
Father. You've got to get rid of the idea that that's
|
||
|
Gregor. We've only harmed ourselves by believing it for so
|
||
|
long. How can that be Gregor? If it were Gregor he would
|
||
|
have seen long ago that it's not possible for human beings
|
||
|
to live with an animal like that and he would have gone of
|
||
|
his own free will. We wouldn't have a brother any more,
|
||
|
then, but we could carry on with our lives and remember him
|
||
|
with respect. As it is this animal is persecuting us, it's
|
||
|
driven out our tenants, it obviously wants to take over the
|
||
|
whole flat and force us to sleep on the streets. Father,
|
||
|
look, just look", she suddenly screamed, "he's starting
|
||
|
again!" In her alarm, which was totally beyond Gregor's
|
||
|
comprehension, his sister even abandoned his mother as she
|
||
|
pushed herself vigorously out of her chair as if more
|
||
|
willing to sacrifice her own mother than stay anywhere near
|
||
|
Gregor. She rushed over to behind her father, who had
|
||
|
become excited merely because she was and stood up half
|
||
|
raising his hands in front of Gregor's sister as if to
|
||
|
protect her.
|
||
|
|
||
|
But Gregor had had no intention of frightening anyone, least
|
||
|
of all his sister. All he had done was begin to turn round
|
||
|
so that he could go back into his room, although that was in
|
||
|
itself quite startling as his pain-wracked condition meant
|
||
|
that turning round required a great deal of effort and he
|
||
|
was using his head to help himself do it, repeatedly raising
|
||
|
it and striking it against the floor. He stopped and looked
|
||
|
round. They seemed to have realised his good intention and
|
||
|
had only been alarmed briefly. Now they all looked at him
|
||
|
in unhappy silence. His mother lay in her chair with her
|
||
|
legs stretched out and pressed against each other, her eyes
|
||
|
nearly closed with exhaustion; his sister sat next to his
|
||
|
father with her arms around his neck.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Maybe now they'll let me turn round", thought Gregor and
|
||
|
went back to work. He could not help panting loudly with
|
||
|
the effort and had sometimes to stop and take a rest. No-
|
||
|
one was making him rush any more, everything was left up to
|
||
|
him. As soon as he had finally finished turning round he
|
||
|
began to move straight ahead. He was amazed at the great
|
||
|
distance that separated him from his room, and could not
|
||
|
understand how he had covered that distance in his weak
|
||
|
state a little while before and almost without noticing it.
|
||
|
He concentrated on crawling as fast as he could and hardly
|
||
|
noticed that there was not a word, not any cry, from his
|
||
|
family to distract him.
|
||
|
|
||
|
He did not turn his head until he had reached the doorway.
|
||
|
He did not turn it all the way round as he felt his neck
|
||
|
becoming stiff, but it was nonetheless enough to see that
|
||
|
nothing behind him had changed, only his sister had stood
|
||
|
up. With his last glance he saw that his mother had now
|
||
|
fallen completely asleep.
|
||
|
|
||
|
He was hardly inside his room before the door was hurriedly
|
||
|
shut, bolted and locked. The sudden noise behind Gregor so
|
||
|
startled him that his little legs collapsed under him. It
|
||
|
was his sister who had been in so much of a rush. She had
|
||
|
been standing there waiting and sprung forward lightly,
|
||
|
Gregor had not heard her coming at all, and as she turned
|
||
|
the key in the lock she said loudly to her parents "At
|
||
|
last!".
|
||
|
|
||
|
"What now, then?", Gregor asked himself as he looked round
|
||
|
in the darkness. He soon made the discovery that he could
|
||
|
no longer move at all. This was no surprise to him, it
|
||
|
seemed rather that being able to actually move around on
|
||
|
those spindly little legs until then was unnatural. He also
|
||
|
felt relatively comfortable. It is true that his entire
|
||
|
body was aching, but the pain seemed to be slowly getting
|
||
|
weaker and weaker and would finally disappear altogether.
|
||
|
He could already hardly feel the decayed apple in his back
|
||
|
or the inflamed area around it, which was entirely covered
|
||
|
in white dust. He thought back of his family with emotion
|
||
|
and love. If it was possible, he felt that he must go away
|
||
|
even more strongly than his sister. He remained in this
|
||
|
state of empty and peaceful rumination until he heard the
|
||
|
clock tower strike three in the morning. He watched as it
|
||
|
slowly began to get light everywhere outside the window too.
|
||
|
Then, without his willing it, his head sank down completely,
|
||
|
and his last breath flowed weakly from his nostrils.
|
||
|
|
||
|
When the cleaner came in early in the morning - they'd often
|
||
|
asked her not to keep slamming the doors but with her
|
||
|
strength and in her hurry she still did, so that everyone in
|
||
|
the flat knew when she'd arrived and from then on it was
|
||
|
impossible to sleep in peace - she made her usual brief look
|
||
|
in on Gregor and at first found nothing special. She
|
||
|
thought he was laying there so still on purpose, playing the
|
||
|
martyr; she attributed all possible understanding to him.
|
||
|
She happened to be holding the long broom in her hand, so
|
||
|
she tried to tickle Gregor with it from the doorway. When
|
||
|
she had no success with that she tried to make a nuisance of
|
||
|
herself and poked at him a little, and only when she found
|
||
|
she could shove him across the floor with no resistance at
|
||
|
all did she start to pay attention. She soon realised what
|
||
|
had really happened, opened her eyes wide, whistled to
|
||
|
herself, but did not waste time to yank open the bedroom
|
||
|
doors and shout loudly into the darkness of the bedrooms:
|
||
|
"Come and 'ave a look at this, it's dead, just lying there,
|
||
|
stone dead!"
|
||
|
|
||
|
Mr. and Mrs. Samsa sat upright there in their marriage bed
|
||
|
and had to make an effort to get over the shock caused by
|
||
|
the cleaner before they could grasp what she was saying.
|
||
|
But then, each from his own side, they hurried out of bed.
|
||
|
Mr. Samsa threw the blanket over his shoulders, Mrs. Samsa
|
||
|
just came out in her nightdress; and that is how they went
|
||
|
into Gregor's room. On the way they opened the door to the
|
||
|
living room where Grete had been sleeping since the three
|
||
|
gentlemen had moved in; she was fully dressed as if she had
|
||
|
never been asleep, and the paleness of her face seemed to
|
||
|
confirm this. "Dead?", asked Mrs. Samsa, looking at the
|
||
|
charwoman enquiringly, even though she could have checked
|
||
|
for herself and could have known it even without checking.
|
||
|
"That's what I said", replied the cleaner, and to prove it
|
||
|
she gave Gregor's body another shove with the broom, sending
|
||
|
it sideways across the floor. Mrs. Samsa made a movement as
|
||
|
if she wanted to hold back the broom, but did not complete
|
||
|
it. "Now then", said Mr. Samsa, "let's give thanks to God
|
||
|
for that". He crossed himself, and the three women followed
|
||
|
his example.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Grete, who had not taken her eyes from the corpse, said:
|
||
|
"Just look how thin he was. He didn't eat anything for so
|
||
|
long. The food came out again just the same as when it went
|
||
|
in". Gregor's body was indeed completely dried up and flat,
|
||
|
they had not seen it until then, but now he was not lifted
|
||
|
up on his little legs, nor did he do anything to make them
|
||
|
look away.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Grete, come with us in here for a little while", said Mrs.
|
||
|
Samsa with a pained smile, and Grete followed her parents
|
||
|
into the bedroom but not without looking back at the body.
|
||
|
The cleaner shut the door and opened the window wide.
|
||
|
Although it was still early in the morning the fresh air had
|
||
|
something of warmth mixed in with it. It was already the
|
||
|
end of March, after all.
|
||
|
|
||
|
The three gentlemen stepped out of their room and looked
|
||
|
round in amazement for their breakfasts; they had been
|
||
|
forgotten about. "Where is our breakfast?", the middle
|
||
|
gentleman asked the cleaner irritably. She just put her
|
||
|
finger on her lips and made a quick and silent sign to the
|
||
|
men that they might like to come into Gregor's room. They
|
||
|
did so, and stood around Gregor's corpse with their hands in
|
||
|
the pockets of their well-worn coats. It was now quite
|
||
|
light in the room.
|
||
|
|
||
|
Then the door of the bedroom opened and Mr. Samsa appeared
|
||
|
in his uniform with his wife on one arm and his daughter on
|
||
|
the other. All of them had been crying a little; Grete now
|
||
|
and then pressed her face against her father's arm.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Leave my home. Now!", said Mr. Samsa, indicating the door
|
||
|
and without letting the women from him. "What do you
|
||
|
mean?", asked the middle of the three gentlemen somewhat
|
||
|
disconcerted, and he smiled sweetly. The other two held
|
||
|
their hands behind their backs and continually rubbed them
|
||
|
together in gleeful anticipation of a loud quarrel which
|
||
|
could only end in their favour. "I mean just what I said",
|
||
|
answered Mr. Samsa, and, with his two companions, went in a
|
||
|
straight line towards the man. At first, he stood there
|
||
|
still, looking at the ground as if the contents of his head
|
||
|
were rearranging themselves into new positions. "Alright,
|
||
|
we'll go then", he said, and looked up at Mr. Samsa as if he
|
||
|
had been suddenly overcome with humility and wanted
|
||
|
permission again from Mr. Samsa for his decision. Mr. Samsa
|
||
|
merely opened his eyes wide and briefly nodded to him
|
||
|
several times. At that, and without delay, the man actually
|
||
|
did take long strides into the front hallway; his two
|
||
|
friends had stopped rubbing their hands some time before and
|
||
|
had been listening to what was being said. Now they jumped
|
||
|
off after their friend as if taken with a sudden fear that
|
||
|
Mr. Samsa might go into the hallway in front of them and
|
||
|
break the connection with their leader. Once there, all
|
||
|
three took their hats from the stand, took their sticks from
|
||
|
the holder, bowed without a word and left the premises. Mr.
|
||
|
Samsa and the two women followed them out onto the landing;
|
||
|
but they had had no reason to mistrust the men' intentions
|
||
|
and as they leaned over the landing they saw how the three
|
||
|
gentlemen made slow but steady progress down the many steps.
|
||
|
As they turned the corner on each floor they disappeared and
|
||
|
would reappear a few moments later; the further down they
|
||
|
went, the more that the Samsa family lost interest in them;
|
||
|
when a butcher's boy, proud of posture with his tray on his
|
||
|
head, passed them on his way up and came nearer than they
|
||
|
were, Mr. Samsa and the women came away from the landing and
|
||
|
went, as if relieved, back into the flat.
|
||
|
|
||
|
They decided the best way to make use of that day was for
|
||
|
relaxation and to go for a walk; not only had they earned a
|
||
|
break from work but they were in serious need of it. So
|
||
|
they sat at the table and wrote three letters of excusal,
|
||
|
Mr. Samsa to his employers, Mrs. Samsa to her contractor and
|
||
|
Grete to her principal. The cleaner came in while they were
|
||
|
writing to tell them she was going, she'd finished her work
|
||
|
for that morning. The three of them at first just nodded
|
||
|
without looking up from what they were writing, and it was
|
||
|
only when the cleaner still did not seem to want to leave
|
||
|
that they looked up in irritation. "Well?", asked Mr.
|
||
|
Samsa. The charwoman stood in the doorway with a smile on
|
||
|
her face as if she had some tremendous good news to report,
|
||
|
but would only do it if she was clearly asked to. The
|
||
|
almost vertical little ostrich feather on her hat, which had
|
||
|
been source of irritation to Mr. Samsa all the time she had
|
||
|
been working for them, swayed gently in all directions.
|
||
|
"What is it you want then?", asked Mrs. Samsa, whom the
|
||
|
cleaner had the most respect for. "Yes", she answered, and
|
||
|
broke into a friendly laugh that made her unable to speak
|
||
|
straight away, "well then, that thing in there, you needn't
|
||
|
worry about how you're going to get rid of it. That's all
|
||
|
been sorted out." Mrs. Samsa and Grete bent down over their
|
||
|
letters as if intent on continuing with what they were
|
||
|
writing; Mr. Samsa saw that the cleaner wanted to start
|
||
|
describing everything in detail but, with outstretched hand,
|
||
|
he made it quite clear that she was not to. So, as she was
|
||
|
prevented from telling them all about it, she suddenly
|
||
|
remembered what a hurry she was in and, clearly peeved,
|
||
|
called out "Cheerio then, everyone", turned round sharply
|
||
|
and left, slamming the door terribly as she went.
|
||
|
|
||
|
"Tonight she gets sacked", said Mr. Samsa, but he received
|
||
|
no reply from either his wife or his daughter as the
|
||
|
charwoman seemed to have destroyed the peace they had only
|
||
|
just gained. They got up and went over to the window where
|
||
|
they remained with their arms around each other. Mr. Samsa
|
||
|
twisted round in his chair to look at them and sat there
|
||
|
watching for a while. Then he called out: "Come here, then.
|
||
|
Let's forget about all that old stuff, shall we. Come and
|
||
|
give me a bit of attention". The two women immediately did
|
||
|
as he said, hurrying over to him where they kissed him and
|
||
|
hugged him and then they quickly finished their letters.
|
||
|
After that, the three of them left the flat together, which
|
||
|
was something they had not done for months, and took the
|
||
|
tram out to the open country outside the town. They had the
|
||
|
tram, filled with warm sunshine, all to themselves. Leant
|
||
|
back comfortably on their seats, they discussed their
|
||
|
prospects and found that on closer examination they were not
|
||
|
at all bad - until then they had never asked each other
|
||
|
about their work but all three had jobs which were very good
|
||
|
and held particularly good promise for the future. The
|
||
|
greatest improvement for the time being, of course, would be
|
||
|
achieved quite easily by moving house; what they needed now
|
||
|
was a flat that was smaller and cheaper than the current one
|
||
|
which had been chosen by Gregor, one that was in a better
|
||
|
location and, most of all, more practical. All the time,
|
||
|
Grete was becoming livelier. With all the worry they had
|
||
|
been having of late her cheeks had become pale, but, while
|
||
|
they were talking, Mr. and Mrs. Samsa were struck, almost
|
||
|
simultaneously, with the thought of how their daughter was
|
||
|
blossoming into a well built and beautiful young lady. They
|
||
|
became quieter. Just from each other's glance and almost
|
||
|
without knowing it they agreed that it would soon be time to
|
||
|
find a good man for her. And, as if in confirmation of
|
||
|
their new dreams and good intentions, as soon as they
|
||
|
reached their destination Grete was the first to get up and
|
||
|
stretch out her young body.
|